A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi last year my husband and I went through a really bad patch and he left me for a few months. Before we broke up though I found out that he had been flirting with one of the girls from his work. They had been sending text messages to eachother. Anyway when I pulled him up about it, he admitted that he'd been flirting with her for months. He said she made him feel better because I wasn't giving him any love and always putting him down. So he also flirted with her just to make himself feel better. But there was nothing more going on between them. I truly believe him and that's not an issue anymore. The problem is that on Saturday it's his firms christmas party and she too is going to be there. How do I handle it? I'm planning to just be nice and smile and pretend I don't know it's her who thought it was ok to flirt with a married man. But really I just want to say something. For example if she introduces herself for me to just say "Yes I know who you are" then just walk away. But I don't want to lower myself so is being polite the best thing and pretending I don't know it's her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Ok all just to let you know I went to the party and she wasn't there. So I had a great time :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You have to forgive her too. You gave your trust to your husband not her. Therefore her crime is the lesser of the two.
God Bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Irish49 that's exactly what I'm going to do! Thanks :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You found out, a woman at work was flirting with your husband and he did the same.. Plainly, she flirted to make herself feel good, too. So that says a lot about her as well. You did the right thing, by talking to your husband and working out the issues in your marriage, at that time. In other words, you snuffed out the fire here, before it took hold. And thankfully, your husband used his head before his behaviors got out of hand.
The key now, is to drop this. If this situation has completely stopped, and your husband has buried it..so should you..let it go. With this other woman, if she approaches...just be polite and try to ignore her. There is a high chance she will not introduce herself. Go to the party, be dead drop gorgeous, be classy, laugh and smile. Shine, girl. She will see for herself, what she was up against. Hold your head up high as a confident, happily married woman who has come through a rough patch with her husband...and persevered.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I actually feel stupid because I brought this all on myself. I was a terrible wife. But all this has caused me to change back to the person I was before I lost myself. I guess what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger!!! Thanks everybody! Have a wonderful Christmas! God bless!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Hehehe thank god I don't drink so I won't be getting drunk. I'm just going to wear a nice blouse and black trousers with high heals as it's cold. with nice accessaries and nice make up (Not over the top). I will smile and be happy because I want hubby to be happy. If she comes to me I will just say Hi and move on. Yet make sure she see's I'm giving my time to everybody else. Thanks everybody :)
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 Personally I think you probably have nothing to worry about. Chances are she will do everything she can to AVOID you during the evening due to her embarrassment, not come up and introduce herself. Make sure you look extra hot that evening. Get your hair done, get a new dress, etc. You will come in oozing confidence and looking like a million bucks and that is the best revenge there is! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I posted on this previosuly, but I just wanted to add that I don't think you should say anything to the woman, just give her a knowing smile but don't lower yourself to her standards. Act as if you haven't ever heard her name and make her feel completely insignificant! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Thanks for that Too Sensitive, that's great advice. :)
What do I do though if one of the others workers introduce me to her? What do I say to her?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): Hello there, I really feel for you. Well done for going to the Christmas party but is it wise - do you have to - do you truly want to or might it be too painful for you? Surely your husband would understand that you didn't want to go and stay away from the party with you (because of course he shouldn't go alone). It would only be fair of him to understand and I really don't think you should torture yourself by going. Perhaps you want to go to take a look at the other woman..you might be surprised though. Most of the women who spend time texting/flattering men usually turn out to be very plain. After all, the lovely looking ones dont need to go with someone elses's husband! If you really must go, do get dressed up to the nines - buy a new sexy dress (understated though....very understated but sexy). Have your makeup looking lovely and hair just so - all to give you confidence in yourself. Wear killer heels and hold your head up high. Dazzle and be friendly. If she introduces herself (highly unlikely) then you can say hello, smile and say 'yes, I know who you are'. But the reality is that she will stay a million miles away from you! I remember once when my father was having a mild flirtation with a woman at his workplace, many years back, and my mum was introduced to her at a party too. My mum said 'hello, I'm Mrs Perry'..and then whispered 'and I intend to stay that way dear'. Classic! p.s. don't get drunk!! xx
Best of luck x p.s. well done for being so brave and going, just make sure you look absolutely gorgeous and lovely...don't mention it to your husband, just get yoru hair and nails done and wear heels x !!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I can understand your point of veiw. Definately do not make a scene as that will only look bad on you. Plus i dont know how u r after a few drinks but i tend to say things i regret later...so if ur like me then take it easy on the old xmas cocktail :)
I think by being really friendly and getting on with all the other coworkers and not really talking to her she will get the message. If she does say hi just be polite say hi...and move on. If she says "i'm xxx" You could say "that name rings a bell...but im nt sure were from", with a look that says you do knw but keep it casual..then move the convo on...make an excuse to go or start talking to someone else.
Remember if u do make a remark she will probably bitch about it to other coworkers making it awkward for your husband come monday morning.
good luck...btw don make this the whole focus of the night...enjoy the party :) !!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): You could always say “Ah yes, (Bob) did get around to telling me about you. How are things for you in 2008?
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A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (12 December 2008):
I know, boy do I know, the temptation must be so strong to say something. But don't. It could have all kinds of negative repercussions. A scene could erupt, the bosses might notice which could put your husband's job in jeopardy, etc.
You are better than that. You are better than her. YOU will be there with YOUR husband, not her. That alone will be enough to get to her, trust me.
Be proud of yourself, be confident, walk in there with your head held high, look and feel as sexy as you possibly can, and keep smiling. Your husband will take notice, and so will everybody else, including her.
She might want you to play her game by reacting - she may be the type of person who thrives on drama. But try not to stoop down to her level. If she is unstable, and she may be, you just don't know, she may try to make a scene with you. Look at her as if she is from outer space, don't let her push any of your buttons, and don't play her game. You will be the bigger and better person for it. She will just end up making a fool out of herself in front of everyone else.
There are ways of letting her know you know without saying a word. Look straight at her, with confidence, smile knowingly, and say to her with your eyes and in your mind only, "I know what went on, it amounted to nothing, and just look who he's here with tonight...ME!". She will get your message, trust me. It could end up intimidating her and making her nervous. Wouldn't that be great?
Have fun with a night out with your husband, eat, drink, and be merry, and dance the night away!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): I don't want to be nasty because it is the past and things are getting great between me and my husband. I haven't even thought about her in a whole year. Only now because of the party. I don't want to say anything to be honest. But I also want her to know I know what she's been up too, but without knowing for sure I know. If you know what I mean!
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