A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years two weeks ago and now I want to confront her.Following the break up, I came to the conclusion that she's been interested in someone else - a "friend" - while we were dating. She had in fact cancelled plans with me to be with him. She wanted me to break up with her. She didn't protest in the least when I suggested it. I didn't mention how much she was neglecting our relationship by always being busy, I only mentioned incompatibility and left it at that. At 30 years of age and looking to marry, she told me that she wishes she had known sooner. This puzzled me.Thinking it all over, I think it was all ********. After 3 years together, during our marriage talks, she fabricated incompatibilities when she became interested in this other guy and wanted me to dump her so that she could be the victim and do as she pleased with him. I feel cheated. I feel used. I want to call her up and tell her that I don't appreciate how she treated me. This is really important for me and I won't respect myself until I do.I'm going to sleep on it and I would appreciate your outside perspective.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Most welcome. I think we can all relate to not wanting someone to think they got one over on us, but the best way to demonstrate that is to move on gracefully. It will get easier.
Thanks for the feedback.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): Thank you Ciar and sugarplum. I really appreciate you taking the time to dissuade me from calling her and helping me and my ex go our separate ways. It seemed paramount for me to call her and set things straight but it's actually immaterial. Our relationship is over and for good reason. I can't think of anything that would change those facts and the ONLY next step is for us to heal and move on. When I focus on this future, everything else seems so trivial.Misunderstandings don't matter. The things I ought to have said don't matter. My ego and feelings don't matter. None of these would change the facts - we're still not getting back together and we still need to go our separate ways. I need to be constructive and you've both helped me a great deal. Thank you so much for your gift.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (10 March 2014):
Worst case scenario: you're right about everything and she's cold hearted, calculating and entirely self centered. If she doesn't care about you she will care even less how you feel. The last thing I would do with such a person is show them how important they were to me and how profoundly affected I'll be by their departure.
Best case scenario: You're wrong about everything, You confront her. She tries to convince you but you don't believe anything she says. What will you accomplish?
My advice is jot your thoughts down in on a piece of paper or an email (that you WON"T send to her). Get it all out. Re-read it then destroy it.
She may have met someone else, but it would have been in very poor taste to cite that as her reason for leaving you. That would just be adding salt to the wound and really it doesn't matter why. Once one party wants out, it's done.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Hi, even if you call her and tell her exactly how you feel it will not achieve anything. You will feel worst as you have now shown her how much she hurt you. There is no point in giving people the satisfaction and the best revenge is to move on and be happy.
The feeling of hurt and betrayal will pass and yes it takes time but we heal and become stronger. You will meet someone that is more deserving of your love and affection. Be glad she sad you from marrying someone like her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): My apologies for the confusion. This might make the first sentence clearer:
"Two weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years and now I want to confront her."
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