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Should I go out with her again? She didn't trust me the first time

Tagged as: Breaking up, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have recently got back together with girlfriend after a couple of months apart. We were together for 5 months before we broke up just after Christmas. I broke up with her because I felt she didn't trust me but we spoke recently and she told me she still loves me and trusts me 100%, I still have feelings for her and we've decided to give it another try. Is this the right thing to do given that first time around she didn't trust me?

View related questions: broke up, christmas, got back together

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 February 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHas she admitted to these trust issues previously? If she says she trusts you and you want to give it another shot then by all means go for it. But if she had trust issues she must have had her issues and you need to find out if those issues have been resolved.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2018):

N91 agony auntWhy get back with someone that you broke up with when there are billions of other females that you could give a chance to?

Why are things different this time? How do you feel that she trusts you all of a sudden?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 February 2018):

Can you elaborate on what she did that made you feel she doesn't trust you? We need more backstory.

Here's the thing. You felt so distrusted that you actually ended it. That must have been a lot of pressure on you; and it somehow stressed your bond until it broke.

If she has a diagnosed mental or social-disorder; learn more about the disorder and decide if you can handle it.

She's obviously an insecure person; but she doesn't seem to understand that relationships cannot flourish without taking a risk, or exchanging trust.

If you have a lot of female friends, you're too close to your ex/exes, or spend too much time hanging-out with your buddies; you make it hard for her to trust you. If you tend to get a lot of messages from the ladies; and you try to make them obviously private or keep them from view. She will assume you're cheating or acting suspicious. You have to substantiate her trust by setting the proper boundaries between you and other friends (especially females); as to how they effect your relationship.

Trust has to be earned. By the same token, it has to be granted when you see someone is breaking their neck to assure you that they're trustworthy. If you have been caught in lies, you have corroded trust; and you now have the task of rebuilding it.

I'm sorry, but trust doesn't just spring out of thin-air overnight. You gave her a couple of months to stew over what you're up to; but she may not have really gotten as far as "100%!" She's stressed about what you're doing and who you might be with. She'll promise you anything!

Go ahead and give her another chance. If you're a shady dude and you've got too many lady-friends or an ex being a wedge between you; you're wasting her time and yours!

Here's a checklist:

(1) Shut-down ALL your dating-site accounts.

(2) Update your relationship-status on your social media accounts to show you're in a committed-relationship. (3) Alert your ex/exes you are off the market, and limit their calls and messages when you're together, or halt them altogether. (4) Time to limit your visits to your favorite porn sites. (5) Remove visible lovey-dovey pictures of you in intimate poses with other females on active social media accounts. That does not mean they have to be deleted; because she's possessive and insecure. It's because you respect her feelings, and you respect her! (6) Tell the truth.

Start from a clean slate. Expect the same from her, as she would expect from you. No more, and no less. If she hasn't changed, don't string her along or let her drive you nuts. Let her go.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntUsually, I think getting back with an ex is a terrible idea - because initially there WAS a reason you two broke up.

Why did you feel like she didn't trust you in the past?

And do you feel she trusts you now?

What difference has 2 months done with this whole trust issue?

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