A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a crush on my dentist and want to ask her out, just for lunch for starters. I'm a 55yr. old male and she looks to be early 40s'. I'm not married and am financially ok so it's not about going after her money I'm doing alright on my own. My problem lies in the fact I don't know if she is involved with anybody. She dosn't wear a ring but that could be for sanitary reasons. She does wear a ring around her necklace but it dosn't look like a wedding or engagement ring. I don't want to embarass her at work or put her on the spot. Also, she is very busy and I don't want to bother her at work, but my chances of seeing her outside of work are zero. She lives in another city about 75 miles away. She seems such an interesting and beautiful(to me) person that I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I've had to have a bit of dental work done and we have talked about different things but it will be coming to an end soon so I would appreciate any input ASAP. Should I give her a note and leave it up to her,or should I ask her myself? I could easily ask her in private when nobody else is around. I wouldn't want her to be the subject of office gossip. I'm aware that there is a doctor patient thing to consider and I'm more than willing to find another dentist. I would gladly see her less if I could see her more. I would like to ask her out after my last appointment which is soon. She seems very friendly with me and I feel she has gone out of her way to accommodate me for appointments. I'm getting the feeling it's not just trying to be professional but she likes me. I'm not a kid anymore and would really like to stick my neck out and ask her out for a casual lunch but first I have to find out if she is available. What would be the best way to do this if I can only see her at work. What is the consensus on whether I should give it a shot or not and how should I go about doing it that will be respectful to her.Thankyou,Bullet4345
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (8 August 2010):
So you lost nothing by asking - and if you hadn't dared you would have wondered forever whether...... etc etc.....Congratulations on getting up the courage to risk rejection.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone that contibuted to my dating question. Unfortunately she declined my offer for lunch. With the short conversation I had with her at work it sounded like she was not ready for a relationship right now but was very flattered and it made her day. I would have liked to of had more time and the circumstances different but I only can see her at work. I'm still glad i asked at least I can move on.
Thanks again,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): jmc has it right i think. just be casual, i have had these conversations with doctors and dentist...its just small talk. pictures are a good indicator...i dont even think it has to be awkward enough to cause you to change dentists if it doesnt pan out...laugh and say well a man can hope. :) good luck sweetie...let us know how it goes. mal
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): During your next appointment, ask her questions about her family while you're just chit-chatting during the procedure. You could even nonchalantly ask about the ring on her necklace: "Why do you wear the ring on a necklace? Is it for sanitary reasons, or what?" And then she'll tell you, and might even mention if it's a wedding ring or family heirloom or whatever.
Just be casual with your conversation. If, during it, you find out that she has a family and husband, don't ask her out for a casual lunch date. My dentist has photos of him and his family in his personal office and even frames artwork by his kids in his waiting area. Check out those areas (their office doors are usually open, in my experience). I don't mean go IN necessarily, but glance in as you walk by. That wouldn't come off as being odd, as most people have a natural curiosity to look into rooms in passing.
If you don't find out, go for it! All you have to lose is your dentist, but there are a lot of those available.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (28 July 2010):
I think you will end up with a rejection because I think the ring on the chain ( not on her finger) is there for health reasons.
But you are too far gone mentally not to find out and I don't see what harm can come from asking her for a lunch date ( except you will maybe feel embarrassed if she declines - but - nothing ventured etc. ).
If it were me the embarrassment of being turned down would mean I wouldn't be able to go to her for dental treatment again and I imagine she would feel similarly.
SO - I would organize a different dentist for the future.
Then you can write her a polite note explaining more or less what you have said in your post here; stressing that you will fully understand if she declines to meet you socially, but if she would like to you suggest lunch on a day which suits her convenience and could she text you her reply on your cell number ( or write you at home if she prefers )?
Something like that. Keeping it fairly low key to minimise embarrassment on both sides if in fact she is not as interested as you hope.
Good luck !
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): Yes by all means give it a shot. Ask her yourself, do it as privately as possible...be casual enough that she isnt creeped out, but do let her know you are interested. Good luck, mal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): hi there, why not ask her for a date lifes too short to wonder bout stuff i shud know , go for it darling , u odviously like her alot, or if u wana be more on safe side and get to know her more go for regular check ups, u can easily switch dentists if u do get involved, best of luck
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