A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am posting this topic to receive as much advice as I can. I have been involved with a man for 6 months now, he was an ex cop but left the force in order to take care of his child full time and I had taken on the immediate role of an unofficial step mum position to his 5... year old son. His son is a lot to handle, he demands constant attention if not from his father than everyone else around him. Whilst I understand young children may be like this, the man who was my partner has recently walked out on me just yesterday. He packed all their belongings and left. All because I asked him to show me some form of affection. I felt neglected as though I was non existent. I do not think a man who claims he loves a woman should make her feel like she would have to compete with a young child for his attention. I am not jealous of his child, nor would I ever expect him to ignore his child for me, as I know he would be his priority, I simply hoped he would hear my cry and see to my needs as well. He clearly does not know how to balance a girl friend in his life with his son, so I do not know what I am supposed to say to him to help him realise that women need to feel special also and let him know how he can go about dividing his attention between two people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): My mom was a single mom, running her own day care business and working another part-time job on the side when I was between the ages of 2 and 5. She managed to date a man (who she married), work two jobs AND take care of me without batting an eye about showing him affection. In short: It's possible.
You were doing A LOT for this guy in stepping up and taking care of his son. You didn't feel like you were getting anything in return. Perhaps he actually was distant and cold, or perhaps you just need more attention to feel loved in a relationship. Either way, he clearly is not the guy for you, so you should be happy that this happened now rather than further into your relationship.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 July 2010):
 I agree totally with Oldersis. The dude already had a TON on his plate and then he is getting more demands?
Maybe you need to look for a guy with no kids who can put you #1 not #2. Because when a single parent is raising their child/children the kiddo's ALWAYS come first.
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A
female
reader, MissTHANG +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Dear Needs more Affection,
As painful as it sounds, this is probably the best thing that could have happened, in the long run anyway. Because it sounds as if the man's child IS all he can handle at this moment - and it appears he was barely able to do that, if you were stepping in for him like you say.
As it is, many men have trouble expressing and dealing with the emotions of us women because of how they were taught to stuff their own and not acknowledge them - and i'm talking about relationships with "normal" guys and NO children involved.
Plus you said he was a cop before? They are especially trained to be aloof to detach themselves from the horrors of their jobs. (IF i'm not mistaken)
So, imagine a man who is a cop - taught to shove those feelings back inside - in a relationship with one of us "affection needing" women (the NERVE!), then throw a "demanding" child in (one who he probably feels its at least partially HIS fault that the child is the way he is) SO now he feels guilty about it to boot.
What tipped the scales apparently were what he saw as more demands placed upon him - that he CAN'T fill, at least at this time.
But know this - you are right! A woman deserves love from the man who is supposed to love her. It's a 2 way street.
The good news is, he may come to his senses and open up to you - and if that happens he may come around. If not, then consider yourself rescued - at least you'll see this down the road - because a man who walks off NOW, because you made a simple request of him to toss a kiss or two your way once in awhile - and all because he saw this as a DEMAND - probably won't be any different five years down the road - barring a disasterous event making him see the light, of course.
Good luck with it:) Keep smiling..
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