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Should I forgive him for getting with someone else when we broke up!?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 September 2007) 9 Answers - (Newest, 20 September 2007)
A female Canada age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hey guys, So i just broke up with my ex 5 days ago and last night he made ou with some exchange student

hes always telling me that he loves me and i love him soo much too!!

Should i forget it happen and forgive him or give him hell for it for not doing the 2 week rule.. i want to be with him and so does he but if he keeps this up i donno...pleae help :S

View related questions: broke up, my ex

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A female reader, sweetlilpeachx69 United States +, writes (20 September 2007):

forgive him but dont forget!if he does it again tell him to hit the road !!!

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A male reader, Uncle Trev United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2007):

You had broke up and he went somewhere else, end of story, it happened. You cannot put a time on a cooling off period wreather it be two minutes, days weeks, months or years when you split up you both become free agents there and then.

If you want to get back together with him and he does with you, you need to put what happened whilst you two were separated out of your mind and get on with building your relationship back again. If you do not want this then both of you need to move on.

It is quite simply a decision both of you need to make and if it is a unanimous one then you both need to act upon that decision. It really is as simple as that.

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A female reader, Oblivia Sweden +, writes (16 September 2007):

Oblivia agony auntHi,

Why did you brake up with him? It seems to me that maybe you two have more serious problems to solve if you want to be together than whether to forgive him for this girl or not. I think giving him a hard time for that would be a bad idea since you were on a brake and there really are no time limit rules on how long to wait. What is the real issue? Would it have been ok for you if this had happened after two weeks? Do you or do you not want to be with him, or is it only about you ego being hurt? If so, think of how much HIS ego must have been hurt when you broke up. If you love each others and you want to be in a relationship with him in the future, leave this story behind and solve the bigger issues in between you two.

Good luck, wish you all the best!

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A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (16 September 2007):

I'm agreeing 100% with happytochat and Phil. There is no two week rule. You broke up, it was over to him so he got with whomever he wanted to. He was covering the pain of losing you.

So if you love him and he loves you, why did you end it in the first place?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

The 2 week rule sounds like a complete load of rubbish. I've never been able to figure this out about females, there's a while hidden rulebook that you NEVER want to talk to guys about, and we're just expected to know.

In my opinion, if it happened while you weren't together, you have no say about it, and it should be disregarded as much as possible when deciding what happens. I don't think it's disrespectful either, at least not as disrespectful as breaking up with someone and then turning around and claiming you love them!

He may still be saying he loves you, but from your post it was you who ended it with him, and thus he should be free to do what he wants. Maybe it was an attempt to put out of his mind how he must have felt when you broke up with him? Something to provide a distraction? If you love him like you say you do, then why break up with him anyway?

You shouldn't do either of the things you suggested. "Forgiving" implies that he's done something wrong, which he hasn't. And you have no right to give him hell for something that happened while you weren't together.

Yes, this is a harsh post, and I appreciate that you probably don't want to hear it, it's just the way it is!

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A female reader, Ears4tears United Kingdom +, writes (16 September 2007):

Ears4tears agony auntPersonely i havent heard of the two week rule, but the fact is he wasnt with you, so you cant be too hard on him, think yourself lucky he didnt do it whilst you were an item because then you really would be upset. If he really does love you and you him give him the benefit of doubt,we all make mistakes that we regret later as im sure he does, it was proberably just a rebound.... that hed sooner forget!!!

Be grateful he told you and move on from it.

Take care and have fun

xxx

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (16 September 2007):

I can see how you feel pretty hurt by what he did. However that '2 week rule', ive never really heard of that. The reality is that poeple will get with someone when they want. Your bf may of just done it out of hurt. You said YOU broke up with him, so his ego was probably blown to peices. Therefor, by hooking up with a random, it made him feel good about himself. That may of been why he did it. Or he could of done it so you would be jealous and wnat him back! And it seems to me that thats what is happening.

Its up to you whether you are going to hold a grudge against someone you love. Sure it was disrespectful to get with somoene so soon after the break up buttttt you have to remember that he was the one dumped...its not like he ended it and got iwth some girl so soon after. He wanted the relationship to contiune it seems. So him geting with another girl was his way of dealing with the break up.

I think if you love him, you should try and move past this. However before geting back with him you must think about why you broke up with him and will that issue stil remain? If so then it may not be a good idea...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

What '2 week rule'? I've never heard that one before!

As far as he was concerned, you'd broke up and he was free to do whatever he pleased, just the same as you were.

What's to forgive?

Phil

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

Ouch! That was harsh of him!

I can understand exactly what you mean because my boyfriend did the same to me! It's horrible

I don't wish this to sound nasty or offensive, but if he has made a move on another girl right after you split up then chances are he doesn't really want a relationship anymore.

As to whether you should be annoyed at him or not - that is entirely up to you to decide, I wouldn't wish to influence the way you think about him at all.

However, I can understand why you would choose to think like that, but on the same token he is technically not your boyfriend anymore and he is free to do what he likes. Though he has been your boyfriend and it still feels like he should be mature enough to respect your feelings and hold on for a while.

Have a chat with him and tell you that he hurt you. He should understand and if he has any respect he will listen to you. This way you can understand exactly how he feels and this could also be the make or break point in the relationship.

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