A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Since I met my boyfriend, I have constantly been spending and spending because of him. First of all, he wanted to come and visit me in my country. Unfortunately, he had no money to pay the ticket. So, I agreed to pay the ticket including the rent. We agreed that he’ll give me the money for the rent when he will come but he never did. When, he came to my country, he spent almost all the money he had on him. One night, he sent me a message and told me that wanted to tell me something and added that loves me very much and that he has only me on whom he can rely. The next day, I asked him what the matter was. To my surprise, he said that he had to give something to a man who has helped him a lot. He wanted to buy him a mobile and asked me if I could loan him 900 bucks. At first, I refused but I was very stupid and I finally agreed to loan him the money that he promised he would give me back. I had to remove the money from my credit card and he was ok with this. I even lied to my mother to get part of the money and I cried when I was removing the money. Still, he was OK with this. I thought that it would be the last time but I was mistaken. One week before his departure, he carried all his money in his wallet to the beach and went for a swim. He lost his wallet. I really hated hearing this as I hate irresponsible person. So, again I had to cater for all food and travel costs. In all this, he claims to love me to his very core. But I truly believe that he has been abusing of the feelings I have for him. Should I dump a sucker like him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): just dump the loser and learn from your mistake by remembering that once a man starts asking you to loan him money just run and never look back unless he has contributed to the relationship too but by the sounds of your story this guy is just a taker and never gives anything
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2012):
 See ? He did not really want or need to buy a mobile for his friend ( not that it would have make sense for you to pay for HIS gifts to HIS friends ), he just wanted to squeeze some cash out of you.
Thanks God that at least you did not take out a loan for him,...pfeww.
Speaking of God, don't be too impressed by his religiosity. Doomsday is quite far away...., obviously he thinks: buy now, be tortured later,lol.
People can fill their mouth with the name of God a hundred times a day, ... but if they keep doing unto other what they would not want be done to theirselves, ... that's a good sign that they have only one God, God Myself.
Ok, now - you say you know you have done stupid actions, unluckily I'd have to agree, but... lesson learned, hopefully ? You do realize that letting yourself being exploited like this is insane , right ?...
So, what are you really asking ? what other course of action did you have in mind, other than chalking this up to experience and getting rid of him FAST ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer. I know many of you think how can I be so blind. I'm not trying to justify my stupid actions. But he has a very strong convincing power. Yea, he's the one who asked me to take a loan for him. At first it was out of question and I was about to do it but after listening to your advice, I just told him that the loan was declined. I never applied for the loan. To push me to take the loan, he would say things like he would never asked me to take a loan for him if he was not sure that he would pay it back to me next month. He can't prosper on another person's sweat. He told me that he believes in God. He believes in judgement day. When he dies,it is written in his religion that his body will be tortured if he owes money to a person. But, I was not ready to take such a big risk. I started to open my eyes the day he asked me for additonal money when he knew very well my financial situation because of all the money I've been spending on him. He did not care that I am getting indebted. Moreover, the next day I gave him the money, we went to the capital together. We went to see the price of the mobiles. He had more or less enough to buy the one he wanted. But he decided that later he would take it and started to spend the money buying stuff for him. Thanks again
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (9 December 2012):
 Dump him right now before he eats you out of your house and all that you've got! He's a cheap man and is just using you. Don't wait to get even more exploited, dump him now. And kiss the money goodbye and learn it as a lesson learned the hard way.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 December 2012):
Oh no , OP, don't dump him just yet . Be nice, wait a little more, give him time to eat you out of house and home, and to squeeze your last cent out of you, so he can immediately dump you and move to another target, with the satisfaction of having completed a good, thorough job. SARCASM, in case it wasn't evident- but apparently certain things are not evident to you.
OP, ..do you even have to ask ? Do you really have ?
No, wait,DearCupiders .I am not being mean to the OP, just in case you wonder. Sure that everybody, even the smartest and sharpest person, can be bamboozled and get used! Sure that all of us , at some point ,have been fools for love and trusted the wrong people.
But, there's a background story too, right ? Right after, or during when these things where going on ( no restitution of the loan for ticket and rent etc. ) he also pressured you to borrow from your bank a BIG amount of money that he wanted to use in some patently scammy "pie-in-the-sky " scheme of his, and you asked advice to DC. Plenty of posters explained you in details how and why that could never be a legitimate business proposal. It was not just their gut feeling, they were drawing from their work and legal experience in that field. He was tryng to scam you.
You did not apply for the loan ( at least I SO hope you didn't, eventually ! ) - and now, this ?...
I am at a loss for words . I generally feel comprehension , even tenderness, for the women that fall victim of predators like this guy. Because I know that love- or infatuation- can make everybody temporary blind and foolish, and make one accept the lamest excuses for the inexcusable. Till breaking point.
But, if your breaking point never comes, and you are so hellbent on ruining yourself , well, maybe that's just the way you like it, exactly like this. Maybe you get your kicks this way ,who knows.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 December 2012):
 Yes you should. He is using you and because you have feelings for him you are blind to it. My guess is that he never lost his wallet at all or that he never owed anybody anything he is bleeding you dry off money. He will keep making up excuses to get money from you and never pay it back and you will end up heartbroken and in debt when he decides he is done messing with you and go on to hurt some other poor girl who thinks they are being kind and helping him. He has no remorse. It is time to finish things and learn from this huge mistake. Good luck.
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