A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was going through some photos with my wife, and came across a couple of her I didn't recognize. I know what year they were taken, and it's the year we broke up for a couple months. During that time she had a fling with an older man. I've been having a hard time dealing with that part of our past lately, and those photos kind of stabbed me. What I notice is her ring isn't on her finger in the photos, and I think I can see his reflection in the pictures. The one thing that's driving me nuts is what I think is a date printed on the back and it's two months before we split. She swears that nothing was going on before she left, but these pictures have my head spinning. There is nothing wrong with the pictures themselves, just the time period. Is it wrong to ask her to get rid of them? Should I confront her about when they were taken and why her ring is off?
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broke up, older man, period Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): Perhaps talking about it and asking questions about the who and when. We are talking about what happened then, so it's not like that would be digging up the past over just a couple pictures. Outside events brought the past up, and we are dealing with it now as we should have then. Would it be unreasonable just to tell her they bring back bad memories, let's get rid of them?
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 September 2012):
 And honestly, what makes the difference if she was taking off her ring and putting it back on to go home? It doesn't make one bit of difference NOW...unless...if you find out that was actually what she was doing you are going to file for divorce.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 September 2012):
I understand what you are saying, but what difference is it going to make NOW if that is what she did in the past? Seriously. You would just have ammunition against her to what? Be bitter and treat her poorly? If she is giving you reason not to trust her NOW, then I would deal with those issues, but to dredge something up from the past may only hurt the two of you. If it is bothering you that much, then go ahead and talk with her. But remember, the TWO of you were having relationship problems then and no matter what you find out about the past, it is still the past. If you have something good going with her now, don't be surprised if it turns sour. Like the other writer said, I think you are *looking* for some kind of *gotcha* moment here...and what are you going to prove with anything you might find?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 September 2012):
 You think you see his reflection? Are you looking for some kind of evidence to prove a point?
I think YOU should just ask her about tossing them. But to confront her about an alleged reflection? That is not really going to help you.
As for her not wearing the wedding band, does she normally wear it 24/7? I know I don't.
Talk to her. And try not to accuse her of something she MAY not have done.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): If these pictures were taken before she left, that means she was taking off her ring and Putting it back on to come home. Granted this was 10 years ago, but the pain is still there. The pictures for me are a painfull reminder of a very dark part of our lives. We are happy now, but the past screws with my mind.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 September 2012):
Should you confront her? No. Should you ask her to get rid of them? You can if you want, but she might think you are going overboard. What makes the difference if she had her ring off? That was then, this is now.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 September 2012):
Honestly, I think you should look at the pictures as part of the past, and as long as your wife has not had other indiscretions, you should forget about them. I have some pictures from college that literally mean nothing to me...and didn't at the time either.
I think if your relationship is on the mend now, that obsessing about the pictures is just causing drama for drama's sake.
Regardless of the time period, it sounds like you had problems in your marriage. If you have worked out those problems, then continuing building your marriage. Don't start dwelling on something from the past that could break it down again.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 It takes a lot for a couple to break up within a marriage. A separation, yes, but it is assumed that as a married couple, you can talk things over together. It depends on whether you discussed the terms and boundaries for how long you will break up, is this leading to a divorce, can you date other people, etc. It also depends on who initiated the break up. Did she break up because she wanted to have an affair? Did you break up because you needed space, indefinitely? Your wife lied to you, and she will know that you know she lied. The point of confronting her is determine how much she still loves you, and how connected you are with each other, and to figure out if she is just staying in the marriage for the benefits. You deserve to know these truths. It will be unfair for you to live with a woman who doesn't love you enough. You don't want to sound like you are accusing her, doing so would make her avoid the topic, deny it, and you don't get any answers. So try to remain calm. It is not wrong to ask her to get rid of them.
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