A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help. I have a issue that I need to get off my chest before lose it, but my emotions are getting in the way of me figuring out a way to confront her effectively. Ok, this past Friday night My girlfriend of over a year, her Gay best friend and myself had plans to meet a guy friend of hers she has known from her home since high school. I was cool with the plan and drove an hour out of my way to meet them after work. My girlfriend rode with the gay friend straight from their work two hours before I could get there. Still, I'm ok with it, even though she has told me that they had "fooled around" a long time ago" I made sure to chill because she said he was a good friend she's known for a long time, she is living five states away from her friends and family(4yrs now), and he was in town. We got along well, had a great dinner, showed him around our fun town since it was his first trip here. All in all, the night was fun. I didn't drink much because I had to drives us to our home about an hour away. Her gay friend left early, and her guy friend seemed to be enjoying himself. So , basically it's me, my girl and some guy I get a weird vibe from barhopping. My girlfriend got pretty drunk, and kept trying to talk us in togging everywhere until 2-3 am. She did give a lot of attention to him, but I stayed chill because I was observing and she gets excited when her friends from home come here. We finally parted ways and I got us home safely despite everything. She evidently texted him just to say we had made it, and she made it on our bed while typing. I came in and laid down with her. In was nice. We laid therefore a good while, almost passing out. Her phone beeped 3x close to my head. So I grabbed it, knowing her cell password, I pushed 1 button to turn screen on and there is a thread/ text from her conversation with the guy friend since he texted last weekend to ask her where the hot ladies were, and we told him, up to her we made it. Almost at the end i noticed a comment, " so, you got a bf these days?" she says, "yes boo boo, (to him, that's my name from her), and he's coming to with me and my fray friend.". He replies, damn, there goes me being able to do and say innapropriate things to you, like I used to." (period followed by a winking smiley face). She texts/FB him," True! True!, you can when X here , but when (my name) gets ther, behave! Lol"Seeing her say that really has had an affect on me and I was very mad,and confused. It was a drastic drastic change of emotions and I know that I can't not tell her because it's killing me and I want to hear her reaction/response once I tell her. One, problem I am grappling is when I tell her what I know, she is going to get defensive and flip it back on me for reading her text. Even though it really was by happen stance because I wasn't even concerned! I was sleeping two minutes prior to me seeing the text. I know this because a year ago, in the beginning of our relationship we had a big issue, when I read an email on her laptop which was sitting next to me open. Her ex was still emailing her, and she was still responding to him!. Well, the discussion /fight then was focused on me being snoopy, and my big point wasn't mentioned again. Once again, I have a situation where I am seriously pissed/ sad about something, but my source is her text message. What should I do?? I am very confused and I somewhat feel like I'm dreaming about it or something. Help.
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (14 August 2011):
I think there is an inflection point when she tells him to behave (only) when you are there. I mean, she is in her own right to see someone from her past. But, letting him behave like he did before is not right. You are her boyfriend now even if you are not there.
BUT, you are right about she flipping it against you since your source is a private conversation. You can't put this thing on the table without falling in this little indiscretion. But I don't see any other way to do it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): Her right to keep her sexual past private expired when she invited someone from the past into her present. If she is going to spend time with a guy in the present then she owes you full disclosure that she used to be sexually involved with him at one time.
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