A
male
age
30-35,
*rBrightside90
writes:Hello there,Ive been dating my girlfriend for over a year now. Lately im getting more worried that she doesnt love me like she did. First of all we did not have sex yet, she is 16 and i am 18. But lately her sex drive has been lower than usual (no touching, kissing, etc) Thats making me kind of insecure.And recently i found that she posted a comment on a picture of some guy on facebook. This is what she posted: Very sexy Jacob, you are so muscly.I dont know what i should do, i dont know if i should confront her or not. She tends to get very offensive in that sort of situations.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 I don't think you have a choice. You will have to talk with her at some point. The thing you do have a choice about is HOW you ask her and how you talk about it.
The change in intimacy would be concerning to me too, it's a change and not for the positive, especially if she becomes defensive about it.
Leave the comment about the muscly guy aside; that's not the real issue. If she were unchanged with you and willing to talk about things, I doubt you'd pay too much attention to the muscly guy comment.
So you need to have a calm, loving, quiet talk with her, not in public and you also have to be fully prepared to hear things you won't like. You said you're a bit insecure, you're going to have to try to stifle that for a bit.
Here are some of the possible reasons she's not showing as much physical affection:
your hygiene has changed somehow, not bathing enough - unlikely, and she'd probably just tell you that you need to take a bath
you are being too clingy - possible?
you are expecting more in terms of sex and she is uncomfortable with that - wouldn't she just say so?
she's fallen out of love with you - I hate to say this, but teenage girls (and boys) aren't fully matured yet, and at 16, there's still a lot of growing up to do in her life
she's interested in another boy - there, that's your real worry. She's not going to admit this easily, but it can be talked about.
I knew a girl in college who would routinely get crushes on other boys and would tell her boyfriend that she had a crush on so-and-so. It was always harmless, she never acted on it, she never did anything that would cause him to doubt her faithfulness, it was just that she would find another boy interesting and would be honest enough to admit it. George was very patient with her, and actually would admit to his crushes on other girls to her too. So you could say they were very honest with each other. I don't know if that relationship survived or not, but they certainly seemed comfortable and happy with each other.
Communicate, calmly, lovingly, gently, listen well and repeat what she's said to you back to her to make sure you've understood her properly.
If she refuses to talk, well then, she is very immature and/or is indeed losing the loving feeling for you.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): i personally think that you should because that comment sounds more than just a friendly comment. if she gets all pushy, then just face it but you really need to talk to her. good luck
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