A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf broke up about 3 weeks ago, to cut a long story short he didnt know what he wanted and i gave him 4 days to think about things and he still didnt know what he wanted. He was just generally confused, he lacks confidence at times and i think he probably got scared and put his barriers up. We decided to leave things as he was clearly very confused and we parted on good terms. We work in the same company and ive seen him a handful of times and we have both said hi to each other. We havent text each other in a week and a half and i really have been trying to give him some space to work out how he feels. The qustion is should i check hes made the right decision? I feel like i need to see for certain hes ok with everything as we did break up on him being confused, least if i do this then i can move on whichever way?Please can some one help as im really torn no this one
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 I think it might take him a great deal longer than 3 weeks to make up his mind if he's this confused. Normally you know instinctively or not if you want to be in a relationship or not. And if things weren't sour between you (you parted on god terms so I guess things between you were good) and he had no obvious reason to be uncertain... then I think he's got some life altering decisions he needs to make. And I don't think it's just about you either, there's got to be something more troubling going on in his mind. He needs to get to the bottom of it, and I think it's more likely to take him years rather than weeks.
Even if he comes back to you now... is it a relationship worth going for when you know he can just get "confused" again and leave you over again? Make sure he's more stable before you get involved with him again. For me to take back a guy who's been confused about the relationship, he'd better show up with some darn good proof of his certainty about us if he's got any hope of coming back. Like a ring and a proposal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): I agree with the others. Do not contact him. If he has any regrets he can call you. A week and a half isn't very much time at all.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 While I totally get your need for information or closure you really can't check on him at this point. I agree with Aunt Honesty...
set yourself a deadline such as "if in 4 weeks he has not contacted me I will know we are done" and then move on... or however long you think it will take
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (5 June 2011):
 If he wasnt okay with the break up and truly wanted you he would of made his move. your decision was right. if you have ended on good terms then leave it as that before it gets messy. The first few weeks of a break up is always hard cause you are not used to not speaking to them. but it seems you both know that it is not right to be together. better to give space and move on and then be friends - if you wish to still be.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 No its not up to you to check to see if he has made the right choice. Give him the space he needs. Don't contact him allow him time to get his head straight and let him contact you. I know it is probably a hard time for you but try and stay patient and hopefully he will contact you soon, and if he doesn't well then I guess you should accept that the relationship is over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): Don't.. Don't check or anything the real thing is: if he wants to be back, he would have come and talked to u .. he's the one who has been " confused" .. it's not anything u did ..is it? so u don't NEED him or any specific person who's "confused" .. u should begin to see the picture soon .. the further u are from "confused" men .. the better your life is .. live your life for yourself, and enjoy every minute of it.. then the right, passionate, so clear-minded man will come to you effortlessly ! I know what I am talking about .. I spent almost a year with a man who is confused ! after a really long and a loving deep relationship .. it hurt me so much that I decided to end it because it was a stupid fake relationship.. especially when u have a beautiful alive history with that person .. The lesson I learned is: when they are confused for a while, they shouldn't be with someone at all .. they should figure it out on their time .. we, people who know what we want, should not wait for them to do .. life goes on and so much better people will join our lives.. Layla
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): I think if you're single and you still like him, it's definitely worth asking him one more time if he's sure that breaking up was the right decision. If he is, or if he's still indecisive, just go about your business as you have been, being polite to him in company but keeping your distance, and see where things go. Maybe months from now it will be rekindled. Maybe you'll find someone else. Life goes on.
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