A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have lived together for the last year or so, and our roommate split suddenly and we needed someone who could move in asap and afford to pay rent. Unfortunately, this wound up being my high school friend (this was honestly the only option, short of moving back home. Which is not an option, really). I was very reluctant, but I was pressed for time. My bf, back when we were just friends and not dating, had told me he liked her and thought she was attractive, etc. She liked him back, but they didn't work out as a couple.This was a few years back now, and he claims that the attraction is gone. She claims the same. I know that living in close quarters can either inspire or totally stop attraction. Should I believe that my bf is not attracted to this young woman, even though she looks better than ever? I've done nothing but get fatter...I hate this.
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male
reader, DV1 +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I'd just give him the benefit of the doubt. If he messes up, then react, but until then, no worries...
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 "I know that living in close quarters can either inspire or totally stop attraction."
Being in a relationship with someone else and having several years pass by also effectively stops attraction to past loves...
I think you're worrying over nothing. It comes down to whether or not you have confidence in your boyfriend and in your relationship. If you think he's crossed the line, such as paying her too much attention lately, then tell him so and ask him to slow it down perhaps. But if he's done nothing to make you think he's still attracted to her, then why assume he still is? If he's with you I would think the safe assumption is that he's into YOU, not her...
Your last line sums it up pretty much, this is where your insecurities about this situation truly comes from. It doesn't come from any real attraction between your boyfriend and old high school friend, it rather comes from you not thinking you look good, while she looks great (in your eyes at least). I think you find her way more attractive than your boyfriend does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): You have good enough reason to be thinking in this way in my opinion. These two had an attraction to each other in the past, they have a little bit of common history so a spark will never completely die. Yes there may not be an INSTANT attraction between them now because its been some time since and I'm sure there's been distance between them too, but I mean, come on, can YOU honestly say you can imagine two people of the opposite sex who used to like each other, living together and NEVER actually thinking about or discussing what might have happened if things had been different between them and they'd gotten together? Its gonna be a case of the usual banter : "Oh look at us now, we're actually living together after all, who'd have thought it hey, maybe we were meant to be together hahahahaha". Then the discussion of how long one actually liked the other before the other realised and what It was about one that caused the other to fall attracted to them in the first place blah blah blah. All this seemingly taking place innocently and unintentionally, as they both know that was the past and what the deal is with this new situation, but in the subconscious, the mind will he analysing the other person to see if there's enough chemistry to ignite a flame again. It happens without you even realising, then the next thing you know, they'll be locking lips on the couch tearing each others clothes off, having what has now become the "long overdue release of affection" for one another.
If there's ABSOLUTELY NO other option, then I guess you're just gonna have to give the situation the benefit of the doubt, allow it to go ahead and take each day at a time. I personally don't think this can go smoothly, but never say "never", I guess there's always a small chance it could, and all the worrying has been for nothing. I'm thinking its a good idea to enforce the "innocent until proven guilty" rule now. Try not to suspect anything might happen, try not accuse any of them of doing anything, don't spy on them, don't miss-read signals or body language between them, and most of all, DON'T drink alcohol around them because that just clouds the judgement and makes you paranoid lol.
If something happens you cross that bridge when you come to it, and if it does, there's no real way you could have prevented it is there. You've basically found out where two peoples priorities lie.
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