A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Twenty five years ago I had a brief affair (I was married at the time) with another woman that I cared for deeply. I was in the army and left for Germany without telling her I was leaving. (doing what I thought was the 'right' thing by my wife at the time) I have not seen her this woman since.I have long since divorced the woman I was married to at the time and have been happily married for the last fifteen years to another woman who I love deeply and am committed to for the rest of my life. She also gave me a son, which to me was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.A few years ago I had a heart attack that almost killed me, this caused me to reflect back on my life. My health has continued to decline since.Since then, I have thinking about finding this woman and apologize for the pain I must have caused by leaving her the way I did. But also to thank her. Because that woman happened to be black. Before I met her, it never occurred to me to date outside of my race. She had shown me world I had never seen.My wife of fifteen years is also black and I feel if it was not for that woman twenty five years ago, I probably would have never met my wife, and would not have my son.I guess my question is, Should I attempt to find this person? I have a strong desire to reconcile with her for what I did, and to thank her for opening my eyes. I am in no way wanting to do this for any other reason than this.Also, How could I expect my wife to respond to this if I were to try and find this person?Signed,Troubled.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I wouldn't try to find her or contact her. For all you know she was briefly upset, but got over it and got on with her life. There is also a chance that she might not want you to contact her to say sorry, out of the blue, after all these years.I'm not sure I would if I were in her place. I would leave well alone. Most of us, especially if you have had a life changing illness, look back on life and realise some things we did when we were young were ill adviced and have a few regrets. Also your current partner may be confused about your motives. So to conclude, no, don't. But you are a dear person for giving it some thought.
A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I'm thinking that what you are seeking is closure to that part of your life. You left her behind and stayed with your wife therefore didn't close this chapter in your life. I think you should look for her and apologize for the pain you probably caused her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I really don't see any reason to contact this woman. Some doors should just stay closed.
Why would you want to bring back something you did a long time ago, back into your life?
As for what your wife would say. I doubt she would be thrilled about the idea. "By the way honey. I had an affair when i was married to my first wife and would like to get back in contact with my ex mistress".
Leave it and her in the past, where it belongs.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (1 December 2010):
 do it.
:)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 December 2010):
 I think contacting her would be a bad idea. If you need to talk it out, talk to your wife, she what she thinks.
You are not really thinking about the woman you hurt all that time ago, you are thinking about YOURSELF, again.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Leave it alone and tell her in Heaven.
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