A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went to a party and got realy wasted with my freinds boyfreind i dont remember anything but i do remember waking up next to him with both my pants and underwear on backwards yea i know its wierd but he never said anything so i left without him knowing. Its been a week and niether of us has brought it up should i ask him what happened or just forget about it?
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Agreed with oldersister mostly accept I would add that you really need to find out for your emotional well being too. If you dont find out then I think this will eat away at you and ruin your friendship from within. I know you must be worried that you have done something but they way you woke up doesnt mean that you necessarily have done anything. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, Robin Goode +, writes (27 February 2008):
You ARE STUPID. Ok, got that off my chest. I am unlcear from your question whether you (1) suspect you are a slut for having sex with your friends boyfriend, (2) want to ensure that your friend thinks "she doesn't remember" when she finds out you had sex with her boyfriend, or (3) suspect/know you were date raped and want to confront the a**hole about it. In the case of 3, you need to first speak w/ a counselor. Find one. Say something like, I think he had sex with me and that isn't what I wanted. Whether or not you said "no" or resisted in any way isn't the issue for this. You aren't going on court tv. You don't need to convince anyone else (not even him, not even your friend), you just want to find out for yourself what happened and how to deal. The counselor is key in this. He/She will walk through it with you. In the case of 2, well, you got so drunk that you are using it as an excuse for being a big jerk to your friend and having sex with her guy. You can't stop your friend from finding out, so you could kill the suspence by just telling her (why talk with him?). It will help save the relationship if you admit that the alcohol really wasn't the bad guy, you were. If you've done this before (and I suspect you have or you will, yours is a common enough senario), I will suggest to you that the "I was so drunk; I don't know what I did!!!" thing gets more and more unbelievable over time. Use it sparingly or with a new audience each time, or you will be known as "that girl you loves sex but just is too uptight to admit it sober". Figure out who you are (if you don't know), and then act accordingly. If you don't want to be the girl who can't be trusted with another girl's boy, then don't be that girl. Alcohol is an excuse for what you want to do, and it is seen as such. #1, you really don't know if you had sex? I find this really hard to believe, but ok. You still want to talk with your friend. Tell her, I know you may be realy angry and you have every right to be. I was a huge jerk, tell her what you told me (expecting that she may not believe that you don't remember), and expect that the boyfriend may lay it out on you when she confronts him. Since you don't remember, you can't say, "I don't remember what happened but I know I didn't make the first move!?!!" So, she --and YOU-- may have to take his word on how it happened. NOt a pleasant place to be, but there you have it. He may tell the world you are the big cheat/slut/etc and you will have to keep repeating "I must not drink too much" so that you never have this issue again. Good luck and be smart!
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