A
female
age
41-50,
*rthnGrl
writes:Since the beginning of our 3yr relationship, my bf and I have had troubles. I found out through investigation, that he was still involved with his ex, and by the time the info came to me, I was pregnant. I gave him a second chance, but he treated me like dirt the entire time, and kept saying the baby wasn't his. Once baby came, he changed his tune for a short while. He promised to take care of me, and move to Texas, which was 1200 miles from my home. After seeing how serious he was, I moved. After two months, I found out he was trying to cheat on me. One night he even choked me, I left. Well, after "moving on", and meeting a great guy, baby's daddy swept me off my feet promising me the world. Because I want so badly for my daughter to know her father I went with it. He even bought me a new car and got rid of my crappy old one. The time came again to move to TX, and here I am again.... Stranded, no job, desperately wanting to go home to Michigan, no phone, etc. etc. He seems to control me... If I leave I risk being brought back to TX because of laws involving custody. He now tells me he hates me and calls me a skank, or a skeezer, which I am far from... I am a "susie home-maker", nothing to the sort. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, amaretto23ohio +, writes (28 February 2008):
I was in this same situation before except thankfully I didnt have any kids with the guy. I moved across the country from Ohio to Las Vegas to be with him and he was physically and mentally abusive and I had no job and no friends. We got married and divorced in 5 months and took me until years after we were divorced to realize I could never forgive him for how he was even if he changed. Moving on is the best thing for you and your child/children.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I dont know how the law works in your country, but in the UK they would never take a child from its mam and give it to the father who is abusive. Can you not go back to your home area and stay with relatives until you get on your feet. Dont put up with this abuse. The child is small but it will be picking up on the bad atmosphere. You want the child to know its dad, why? He sounds a right pig. You would be better off having the child brought up by yourself in a loving and kind environment instead of a one of abuse and hate. Please please get back to your home land and you will be ok i am sure. Is there no professional body around you that you could ask for advice? You have all my love and hugs.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 February 2008):
 I want you to know something and remember this. Why someone does (their actions) show truth where there words do not. He'd already proven to you who he is by the past bad treatment. Do you think promising you the world changes who he is? Abusers are manipulative and knows how to produce a certain response. I know you want the father to know the child, but does that mean it's okay to bring that child into a situation that is abusive and harmfull. Your childs safety is a concern that should be more important than who she's involved with. Not saying she shouldn't know her father, but saying you and her father have proven to not be good together, and hasn't changed.
Generally people can work out issues inside relationships. I don't always agree that is correct when in a situation such as yours. In order to get help through this transition, I recommend you go immediately to speak with a victims advocate in your area. They are familier with the laws there and know what actions you can take to help you. They may be able to recommend a probono attorney to draw up papers allowing you to relocate. The laws which govern relocation are based off the best interest of the child. Such as taking a child from a loving father to somewhere else just for a job change may violate the laws. Taking a child from an abusive lifestyle to one which you will have support for yourself and have mental support from family, would be one that the court may grant. They can even do this on an emergency basis, which the initial hearing would be quick.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): This guy sounds like he's being horrible to you! I know it must be hard when you have to consider the child but don't you think that the child would be better off without a father like this? Plus, you have a life to live aswell. You said "he seems to control me", there's a big rule in dating, 'never let a guy rule your life'. I know it's hard but it's really for the best and you'll find someone much better who will treat you with the respect you need! hope this helps :) godd luck! x
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