A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I see each other every week day for like 1 or 2 hours, we go to the same university and we only see each other between classes. When I go home after class, my bf hangs with a male friend, they spend the whole afternoon together from Monday to Thursday, and from Friday to Sunday night or Monday morning they stay at this friend's house. Is this normal? This bothers me a lot because my bf and I never see much of each other, I feel like my bf is never available for me. Whenever I ask him to do something special an afternoon he says he already had plans with his friend and he can't, and on weekends he says he has to study, but has no problem going to his friend's house and study for a while and play online video games with him whenever he gets tired of studying. I can't help but feel bothered by this situation, I can't even call him on the phone because he can't talk to me without interruptions. Should a person spend so much time with someone who isn't a bf or gf? For me this is weird, I only spend so much time with the family members that live with me. And I would only consider spending this amount of time with a person I'm in a relationship with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): It's definitely unusual behaviour for someone with a gf, you're both sexually active yeah? I'm sorry to say but if you're sexually active with each other he's clearly using you for that- he would rather spend all his time doing something else than spending time with you- there is no excuse for this in a relationship.
Until he mans up and learns how to treat a woman, leave him to his single life and his video games. Whatever's going on with him, he doesn't care enough about your feelings/ needs/ happiness. You need to get rid, sorry... Xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): If you spend so little time with your boyfriend, why haven't you had a good talk; and mentioned that you don't feel you're getting enough of his time and attention?
It seems his "bromance" is more important than your romance.
He is being selfish; because he can do guy things, and satisfy his gaming-addiction. He is very immature, and you really need to consider chucking the relationship, and moving on. That is, if you've made considerable effort, and you're not getting anywhere.
It is weird, but not in the sense that you think. If you're implying he's gay, that isn't fair. He is a loyal friend and probably knew his friend longer. Jealous girlfriends start these nasty rumors; and it'll come back to bite you in the ass.
Extra time with you probably bores him. Some guys just aren't into a lot of cuddling and mushy stuff. They want it, when they want it. If he isn't the affectionate type, or he is really into his studies; you're low on his list of priorities. He has a girlfriend for convenience. That isn't fair to you at all.
You may not offer him enough of a mental/intellectual or physical challenge to keep his interest; but you are available for sex. He may have a mild form of attention deficit disorder, and his mind is always running in several directions at once. Gaming seems to appeal to people like that.
So he spends the bulk of his time with a friend who satisfies his competitive side, he gets to play video games endlessly without interruption, and he can study without distraction; because guys know when it's time to get out of each others faces.
We can be in the same room for hours and forget the other guy's there. Really! Unless he is a gaming-partner. Then he is a necessary ally and co-strategist.
His basic immaturity sends him running for his playmate after a few hours with you being a grownup. He still hasn't outgrown his little-boy stage. It's cool to have a buddy, but if you have a girlfriend, she shouldn't be starving for attention.
You aren't complaining about the lack of sex;
so we can assume all is good in that area. It's all about the face-time deficiency in the relationship, and competition with his "bromance."
Definition:(bro-mance: a strong emotional connection and mutual appreciation between two guys; that does not include sex or physical attraction.) This is a slang term.
It would be best to find yourself a more mature guy who is willing to give you what you need. Trying to reprogram a guy to suit you, isn't going to work. Either he's there, or he isn't. If you have to change a guy to make yourself happy, that means you're incompatible as a couple.
Tell him how you feel. Then let him go; and find yourself the type of guy you need. However; people have a right to have friends and spend their time as they please. How much time they spend with you, depends on how much available time they have; and how important you are to them.
If you are needy and greedy, and prone to exaggeration for the sake of argument; be careful. You may be ending or stressing your relationship unnecessarily. There are always two sides to a story. You get to tell yours, so you get the benefit of advice; and to leave out details that may slant more in his favor.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 August 2013):
 he doesn't sound like a boyfriend more like a guy you hang out with at school.
does he ever call you and ask you to go out and do things?
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