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She's the coolest girl I know, but its been a long time! will it still be worth it? 

Tagged as: Crushes, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 June 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2014)
A male United States age 18-21, *orge writes:

Hello everybody! I have a dying question to ask, and it burns my insides for an answer.

Ok, so there's a girl I know, we have been best friends since literally kindergarten, and its 10th grade now, but in 8th grade, she switched schools.

I know where she lives, as she does I, and I haven't talked to her since last winter, ad she seemed very surprised to see me. Well, it's summer almost a year and a half later, and I'm thinking aboit going to see her again. Maybe re-engage our friendship, and possibly take it a step further.

I have an extreme crush on her, and want to ask her out, but not just yet. I just need to know HOW to ask her out.

She isn't a complete girly girl, to my knowledge, but people change. And I really like her. A lot.

Im incredibly hard-wired when it comes to these things, and I really need a bit of help to ask her out. I've had a crush on her since about the 5th grade, but have never said a word.

Is it worth a shot? I am determined to ask her, but I don't know how. I will keep this updated in future posts.

I hope for the best, and rally want your answers and insight on this.

Thank you all!


View related questions: best friend, crush

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (29 June 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntHello,

Forge your response to Troys answer was quite rude and patronizing. Troy is quite correct in stating that you are just acquaintances with this girl right now. By all means ask her out, and Abella has given you great advice as to how to go about that, but please be realistic here.

Its a year and a half since you last saw her and at your ages people change a lot very quickly. You say you are best friends since Kindergarten yet and say in your follow up that you are still both good friends, yet you say in your original post that you want to re-engage the friendship and haven't see her for so long.

"I'm gonna ask her progressively, in the sense of becoming friends again, and then more"

The issue I have with that is that you could easily get friend-zoned. You need to make it clear from the start that you are interested, otherwise you will struggle to be anything more than friends.


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A male reader, Forge United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

Forge is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Forge agony auntEric.troy, I'm not sure you've read the passage completely. Or at all even.

We are still good friends, it's just been a long time, so I decided I'm gonna drop by to say hi, and maybe hang out or go somewhere. Still unsure. Still need to get her number.

I feel like you barely skimmed it. Try again.

As for Abella, thank you for your answer. It helps a lot, and I'm gonna ask her progressively, in the sense of becoming friends again, and then more. Hopefully.

"All it takes for evil to triumph is no good man to stop it"


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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

Abella agony auntAsking a girl out is a big step. You are being smart to ask for advice on how to ask her out.

At all times remain a gentleman, even if she says no the first time you ask her out. If she says no then still remain a gentleman and don't show that you are upset. Just tell her that you are disappointed and leave it at that.

If she is a super cool girl then she may have come to the attention of other guys. But at 14 relationships are often short lived, so if she does already have a boyfriend then bide your time until she breaks up with him.

Do not try to date her if she does have a regular boyfriend. If a girl will cheat on her regular BF then she will cheat on you.

Just act cool around her, and be a little unattainable for her, if she is dating. If there is a spark there it will heighten her interest, especially if the BF is not as cool as you.

Do NOT use corny pick up lines. They are a serious turn off. If she is blonde do not repeat blonde jokes.

If she has not seen your for a while you should do some homework on her before you make a move. Is she on Facebook? Check out what you can without asking to be her friend. Let her be the one to send you the Friend request after you have met.

One you know a little more about how things are for her now then you will be in a better position to just happen to run into her, one fine day.

Throughout life you will meet attractive females who you are interested in; though some will not be interested in you. Don't let that bother you. There are 7 billion people on this planet and half of them are female. It's a numbers game. If at first you don't succeed you can always ask her out again later.

Or if you don't succeed then there are plenty more who will jump at the chance to date you.

Remember you are the prize. You are going to ask her out to see if she is suitable and in sync with you.

Do not embarrass her with any flashy dates at the start. Stay cool, like her. Listen to her intently. A good listener gets the girls. find out some things that are dear to her heart and things she likes.

When you do approach her be confident, not hesitant. Being too hesitant is a turn off. Though being too arrogant and making it like a command will not work either.

Find out where she hangs out. Does she play any particular sport. Does she attend any particular games. Is she interested in any particular style of music. If she has family ask her how they are. Show an interest in her as a person.

At this stage you are building up rapport Because initially you are establishing you as a good friend. Worthy of her time because you have a lot to offer. You need to check her out initially to see if she is still worthy of your time. Do not say it out loud but always remember that you are the Prize, if she says yes, when you do ask her out.

Make it a natural progression.

Check out discreetly what she's into.

Then recall where she hangs out and accidentally just happen to run into her. Have a good excuse about why you are in her area.

Get talking. Get her number. Do not lose her number. Be on the lookout for any clues about something that you could attend together, but be cool about it. Don't push it but maybe share an snack together before you depart (an impromptu mini date.

Then next time mention that you were thinking of going to attend event x and make it something she might like too. If she says, "I;d love to go there" then say to her, "hey why don't we go together" = see you just asked her out and you chose something she would like

Your first few dates should be simple and low key. You will scare her off if you are over the top.

And although you do sound confident I am attaching an article on confidence and two dating articles as more information is always better than no information.

The First article below is a Master Class on dating from one of the Best Uncles on this site.

Hope it all goes well for you.

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