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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend is 18, I'm 17. I like her a great deal and would do anything to stay with her, but something that I keep being reminded of is the fact that I know I'm at least her sixth sexual partner. I'm not worried about diseases or anything, but the idea of her having sex with other people gets to me, possibly because she was my first, possibly because we're both still relatively young. Is there anything I can do that'll help me mind less about this? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (10 August 2006):
 You are experiencing these feelings because you fear not being sexually 'up to par'. This is your problem, dear..you own this one. If your gf been an trusting, honorable, loving, good person to you and is not complaining about your abilities in the sack-is thinking about this really worth the pain and sorrow it will cause, eventually? Stop dwelling on this and get ahold of your insecurities or this relationship will be dead in the water. You are making a clearcut 'choice' to think this way..so you control what your mind thinks and what it envisions. She cannot go back and change the past. She is totally helpless here and that's so unfair and immature of you to be doing this to her. I'm sure you want to keep this relationship growing and getting more wonderful. So--can you not just accept this, be proud, and be gracious to be sharing your time with this person. Only you can choose which way that will be the healthiest way to continue conducting your relationship. It takes an incredible trusting, loving relationship and confidence on the part of both people, to openly talk about past experiences and loves. Sometimes doing this, can be a great way for you to learn more about what pleases her. It gives you a sense about what she liked and didn´t like about her previous partners, what they did and didn´t do that made her happy. That's the upside to talking about past lovers. However, not everyone is that mature, open-minded to this type of dicussion. Way too much sexual details can be a bit overwhelming. It creates fears and anxieties in insecure people, like yourself. If you can't work this out..then cut her loose because your resentment, jealousies will just continue to fester and she doesn't deserve that. I wish you luck in making your decisions on what you want to do.
A
female
reader, ariel  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 Yes you can accept that she has slept with 6 people before you.Then forget about it ,stop dwelling on it.The reason it bugs you is as you said you MIGHT not be the best she has had.
Well to become the best she has had you need to ask her what she likes and wants .Make her feel sexy,appreciated and make her feel like she is the only girl on this planet.
Turn all those negative thoughts around and work on making every night a special one for your girl.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (10 August 2006):
 We all have different life experiences, would you be asking this question on her behalf if the tables were turned? NO! Get over it. It is all part of the wonderful tapestry called 'life'.....
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A
female
reader, helpful girl +, writes (10 August 2006):
 dear anonymous
as pete said it might always bother you but personally my self i dont think it will its all in your mind and what you really need to do is ignore your brain for a while i know hard thing to do. but as i said before when your about to think about it do aomething that will take your mind off and carry on that way for a bit adventually you will find when you come to think about it again your think im in her future now thats all that matters. kelly.x
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A
male
reader, Dr Pete + ♥, writes (10 August 2006):
 Anonymous take a look at this question, I'm sure you will find some interesting points in the answers:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-i-get-my-gfs-past-sex-life-out-of-my-head.html
All the best
Peter
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): Thanks guys, especially helpfulgirl. Pete, I can live with the fact that it's happened, but I just get reminded of it from time to time. Unclerich, it just kind of came up in a conversation. I'm not worried that I'm not satisfying her, although it does bug me that I might not be the best she's had, I think asking about this would make it worse.
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A
male
reader, Dr Pete + ♥, writes (10 August 2006):
It will probably always bother you, to some extent at least.
If you don't like it, there are millions of other girls out there with a past to more of your liking.
The choice is yours: either accept her past as part of who she is, or find someone else you can accept more easily.
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A
female
reader, helpful girl +, writes (10 August 2006):
well to be honest with you my partner at the age of 40 as had over 100 sex partners and it use to affect me as its doing with you now. but i learnt how to deal with it because in time i just simply kept thinking to my self if i am to remain in a ralationship with this person then i must start thinking the past has gone! and thats what helped me the past is the past at least you have the future with her now but if you keep letting it get to you you dont have much of a future with her. let the past go its horrible to keep suffering with the thoughts that get you down when they try to enter your mind try something thats going to put your mind off the thought e.g get in to a different conversation that keeps your mind occupied then all of a sudden it will dissapear from your mind.
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A
male
reader, unclerich +, writes (10 August 2006):
did u ask how many guys she had slept with??y does it get to u?shes with you!!!enjoy it while it lasts!ur both young u both got a lot to learn.r u worried that ur not satifising her?dont if she likes u she'll tell u what she like in the bedroom and what she doesn't.take time to explore her!!!and try not to worry she would feel the same if u ad 6 partners and u was her first.
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