A
male
age
22-25,
*Ied
writes:I met this girl we were friends at first and i knew she was instable she had a bad relationship for two years and she got out depressed and after some time she got back to life and going out ..... but she hated relationships and she said she feels cold with guys .... after sometime we said we had feelings for each other and we said to not rush it and one day she told me that she want a relationship with me . we stayed together for sometime and one night she said she felt cold with me and dont want to harm me so she decided to break up we didnt talk for some days then i send her a message that i will stay friends with her no matter what ..... and we got back friends after sometime we started flirting again and feeling the same feelings and again she got cold and i decided to talk to her and explain i m not her ex .... and i truly love her and i ll wait for her than one day i said i wanted some time off because i got stressed how she changes one day she s warm and loves me the other she s cold and than she said that she want time off too and that she hated her self for being cold and that i she dont deserve me and that she doesnt know anything anymore she dont undertand her self she said that i deserve more and that i need to find someone better than her and that i need to forget about her and that she is in war with herself and she doesnt want anything anymore she said she will bloc me and that i should too but she didnt i said to her we ll stay friends she said no we wont stop talking and we wont forget that way what should i do ? should i give her space maybe she ll come back ? should i forget about her ? should i fight for her ? should i say i want to be friends with her ? because i really love her and i know she does too
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2021): Typo correction:
"Otherwise, keep pushing your infatuation; until you're broken, and a total pain in the ass for the next woman who tries to care for you."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2021): You're caught-up in a cycle. You're letting your emotions overrule your commonsense. You want someone so badly, that you're allowing that person to manipulate you through your infatuation. How many times does she have to tell you she feels cold towards you? Love isn't love unless the one you love loves you back! Your friendships after breakup is nothing more than a tether you can hold-on to, until you think you can get her back. You're very young; so that's typical of inexperience. It's allowing your wishful-thinking to supersede your logic. Your heart and mind must work in-sync. Letting your heart do all the thinking, will run you over a cliff!
When someone tells you they can't feel anything for you, what do you think that means?
Get ahold of yourself! Push all your neediness aside; and ponder on that for a little bit. You think you can love her enough for the two of you, to compensate for the deficiency??? Does that make any sense? Love goes two-ways, back and forth...it's a give and take proposition. Not a stream running one direction.
Time to pull-it together. Get a hold on your unbridled-feelings and unmanaged emotions. You're chasing and chasing; while she lets you catch up, only to cut you loose again. You're going to repeat this cycle until it causes you emotional damage. That's the baggage you'll carry with you into the next relationship. Insecurity that hurts the next person who risks their feelings and heart; bothering to waste their time trying to connect with you. While you're damaged from not letting-go when the other person wasn't holding-on.
Forget about her. She asked you to. Otherwise, keep pushing your infatuation; until you're broken, and a total pain the ass for the next woman who tries to care for you. This is a test of your common sense. It is a learning-experience. You can either learn from it, or fail the test.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (6 August 2021):
 People make the mistake of believing that the answer to everything is "love". In a perfect world, it would be. Sadly the world in which we live is far from perfect. "Love" is NOT the answer to all problems. "Love" CANNOT fix everything.
Much as you may feel you love this girl, she is not available. Fears based on past experiences are playing havoc with her mental health, making her incapable of having a relationship with anyone at the moment. You are already starting to feel the stress of being in a relationship with her. Imagine that stress, day in day out, for years and years and years, without any breaks, because that is what being in a serious relationship with her would entail.
Sometimes you need to put yourself first and love YOURSELF above anyone else. This is one of those times. My advice would be to cut all ties, block her and walk away. Give yourself time to get over her, then shake yourself down and start to live your life again. Some things are just not meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 August 2021):
 She isn't in a healthy head-space at the moment and really shouldn't be dating but focused on herself and her mental health.
Give her the respect she asked for. Block her and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2021): She is right ,you know ? You do deserte simeone better.Much better.Someone who does not blows hot and cold, who requites your feelings full and naturally,who is reliable and consistent in the way she treats you. What she says sound to my ears just like the bunch of lies which a woman would tell wben sbe is not into you, yet she is a bit afraid of being alone and wonders if after all you are maybe better than nothing, and every now and then changes her mind about that.But even if she is totally honest and sincere...and she got traumatized by her post relationship...well,how's that your fault,or your business, and how can you get any happiness from a person who, for whatever reason of hers, basically does not want to be with you ?....let her be.Let her go.Love does not have to be so complicated and when it is ...often is not love but ego and infatuation.You do deserte someone you can be happy with.
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