A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now, and for most of that time I've known she finds sexual literature a huge turn-on. I don't have any problem with her buying sexy fiction to read, but some time ago she started looking up erotic stories online. This wouldn't be a problem except that recently she crossed the gap to reading sexual e-mails or IM archives past boyfriends or sexual partners have written to her.She hasn't been hiding this from me because she thinks it's perfectly normal to read them to arouse herself, but it makes me uncomfortable. I mentioned to her that I don't like the idea that these guys from her past are still getting her hot, but she says I don't have any reason to get upset because the e-mails and IMs are old and she isn't acting on them. Am I being overly jealous?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): What she is doing is different from men looking at pornos starring strangers they've never met. But it's not different from men looking at sexual pics of their own past girlfriends.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): It doesn't matter they are old. And she is acting on them. She's reading them, remembering what is was like and then acting on that fantasy with you.
I would never want my girl to get turned on by something some other guy wrote to her.
You can't compare porn use and this. You have absolutely no connection whatsoever to the people in the porn videos. She has shared a deep connection with her old lovers. It's not right to relive it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): sorry ceilia I think that letting him know reading the old emails and im is not cool. I think your girl isn't comfortable with porn and is kinda jealous and she is trying to get back at you.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (26 January 2010):
 Hun, I dont think you are being overly jealous, I am sure that if you were drooling over pics of your ex's your current gf would get very upset indeed.
Sit her down and explain the erotic stories are okay but NOT the IMs and emails... the stories are in no way connected to you or anyone you know, however, the stuff she is reading is what she encountered/experienced with previous boyfriends... sorry but this is not fair on you.
If, after talking to her she still doesnt see your point of view, maybe this girl is not the one for you????...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): No. In her mind it might be only to get her aroused but if she admits it or not she is remembering her ex's while she's reading them. It's human to do so. There's no way to avoid it.
I'm sorry to say she doesn't care much about you if she really thinks you should be ok with this. Why does she even still have these emails from old boyfriends.
Next thing is she will be talking dirty to them on the phone and you should be ok with that too since it's not technically wrong.
Stand up for yourself. Don't be a doormat. Make youre boundaries clear. If she isn't willing to accept it she isn't worth it. You would never do that to her so why should you put up with her doing it to you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): I have it on good authority, that many people will think back to sexual encounters from thier pasts, that they still find a huge turn on. And they will recall these memories to get themselves `in the mood` while engaging in sex with a present parnter. When i heard that it left me wondering! It didnt seem a nice thought and i wondered how would you stop a partner doing that.
I came up with the idea that the better memories will push the not so great memories to the back of the mind. So i built my partner some new memories lol. As for your partner. What shes doing isnt acceptable. Write her new sexually explosive emails and make a deal with her. She replace an old email with one of yours if she finds it better. It will make you more creative and pretty soon her old messages will be replaced by new very sexy ones from you. All the best
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A
male
reader, Faraday  +, writes (26 January 2010):
 Agreed, "CG", this is a bit more personal than something written by an author for public consumption. However, if these past stories were only in her head you would never know about them, so at least she is being open about things.
I do understand your concerns, but it seems that with her mind-set on this, she won't.
Might I suggest that since she likes erotica with a more personal touch that you write some stories/fantasies for her to read, either with you or by herself?
If by herself, and you do a good job, my bet is that she will come running to find you and drag you into the bedroom!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 January 2010):
I'm not sure you are. I get the erotic stories, that's like a man watching porn. But her looking at old emails from ex's is like you looking at old pictures of your girlfriends naked or something. Put it to her that way and see what she says. If she still doesn't listen, then maybe she's just not worth the bother.
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