A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay short and simple but really need your views on this.I met this girl and we started dating. Things were going well until she met my sister who did not like her very much and from there it pretty much went downhill.This girl loves me to bits and i have had many girls in my life but none that loves me that deeply.I can not say i love her as much and she knows this but is still convinced that she belongs in my life.The main thing is after my sister met her, some of my fears about her started surfacing. I started noticing the imperfections with her weight which she never fails to be conscious about and most importantly her family history.Her mum and dad were diagnosed with cancer last year and she has been having some health stuff that she fears is signs of cancer. She has a scar across her left breast from breast cancer surgery when she was much younger and all of this makes me feel scared.So here is my question. Is it fair to not date someone that loves you because you feel their health might deteriorate?Also is it wise to go into a relationship with a woman that literally worships your feet when you only care about her? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 "Is it fair to not date someone that loves you because you feel their health might deteriorate?"
All that says is that you don't love them back, which is contradicting, as if you don't love them back you wouldn't care if they die shortly. If you DID love someone you'd want to be with them until they die, at least you get to spend that time with them. And then if you DO love someone you might also be so scared to lose them that you'd rather leave them early to spare yourself the heartache of losing someone so dear to you.
But leaving a person you don't love because the MIGHT die? That's just stupid. You're giving yourself some BS excuse to dump her because your sister is manipulating you into thinking you shouldn't be with her. Thins went downhill because.. why exactly? Ah yes, your sister didn't like her. And I'm guessing you are close with your sister. And I am guessing all your reasons to not be with her come from your sister. And I am guessing you are a sweet guy who easily believes in the good in people, and as such can't imagine your sister actually USING you to get her way. Well, your sister is using you. Your sister doesn't like this girl of yours... and POOF, she wants her gone. And what better way to do that than point out all the scary and possibly negative things.
Here's the thing. Nothing in life is guaranteed. NOTHING. This girl might live and be 100 years old, while YOU might die next year. What makes you so certain you will live longer than her? Got a magic eight ball that told you so?
Be realistic and not scared or manipulated. You don't know who will go first. Fair enough if you don't like the girl, but be honest with yourself here. Her health has nothing to do with this, she's healthy, she MIGHT die from cancer, but she's not more likely to die young than you are. Tell me, do you ever drive a car? Do you know what the statistics are for people who drive cars? They tend to die a lot. Just to remind you.
As for her caring so much about you. I guess that scares you. Because no one has been that way towards you before. New things scare people, not just you. They scare everyone. They make us uncertain. Yet, if you don't follow through with it what will happen when you next meet a girl who cares a lot about you? Will you run again then too? And then never be able to allow others to love you?
Embrace it. Let her love you. Tell her you're not quite there yet, and TAKE YOUR TIME. Tell her to calm it down a bit as her caring so much makes you feel pressured to care back just the same. It'll be okay. Let it come to you naturally. I actually think you might care more about her than you believe yourself (or maybe you're sister is the one telling you you only LIKE her). If you didn't care about her particularly much then you wouldn't be so worried about her health. Yet you are worried. And that tells me you do care about her. Maybe the scary part in this is acknowledging your feelings.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Seems you are a shallow person that is only interested in perfection...good luck with that one!!
You should let her go because you arn't right for her...she isn't perfect and she knows it, therefore she's going to get along much better in the world as she is more open, unjudgmental and accepting...someone else will love her for that whereas you have critisized her just on looks.
When you grow up you will see that in order to have deep and fulfilling relationships, you have to get past whats on the surface, but I respect you posting here and the right thing to do is to find yourself someone who's shallow like you and your sister.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 You are thinking about this way too much and trying to rationalize even before anything has started and this means you don't love the girl because if you did, there would be none of these questions.
You might not find anyone else that love you as much as her, but it's unfair to her that you cant give her back even half of what she has to offer. You sound like you like her only as a friend,which is fair because you cant force yourself to love someone. However, do her a favor and don't drag this out much longer because its extremely unfair to her. Make it clear that you cant give her what she want and please never judge someone whose shoes you have never been in.
Your sister seem very judgmental and honestly its not right. Rejecting someone because of their health is the shallowest reason ever. What are you going to do when you plan to get married, by the way? Ask the girl to get a full body check-up for any possible illness/problem so that you can reject her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Maybe in 10 years you'll look back and remember this time in your life. How you had such a wonderful girlfriend. You'll have learned that rejecting her was a jackass mistake. If u don't want to be with her then leave. Don't make it drawn out, simple skittle.
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