A
male
age
30-35,
*ustaguy18
writes:Ok so towards the beginning of summer, I came out of a really bad relationship for 7 months and it hurt because she dumped me for another guy...anyway, I went to my friends for comfort and this one girl who I had a crush on me before the previous relationship had just come out of a relationship too. We had always talked a lot and were really good friends, but then I told her I thought she was cute and we (in a nutshell) thought that being friends with benefits would be a good idea to get over our previous relationships...well we never did do any of that but we did go out on dates and got closer and closer. I fell deeply in love with her and she fell deeply in love with me. I went to college 6 hours away from her and she went to college back home. We're both 18 by the way. We at first were not going to do the long distance thing because we didn't think it would work, but then we decided to because we thought we could pull it off and that we cared too much for each other. And we did, up until now everything has been amazing, better than my first relationship ever was in person...but then the friday before halloween, she appeared to be putting substantially less time in her text messages and replies (so i'd write something really long and a couple hundred words and she'd reply with something like "haha yeah").Anyway, I really cared for her and so this was particularly frustrating. And she also wouldn't respond to half of my texts. Eventually I kept asking her why and she just wouldn't give a clear answer and so I just kept getting more frustrated and my mind was yelling "Why won't you talk to meee!!". Anyway, Sunday came and the replies were as short and sparse as ever... (ok remember this is all while I'm lost in frustration) I mentally gave her one more chance and then when I didn't get a reply for like 2 hours, I sent her a text message saying "I'm done" (-I know, a really bad idea but I couldn't help myself) anyway, she eventually tells me why she was busy and all that and I come to realize that me breaking up with her was a mistake...and that breaking up with her in that way was an accident. She still loves me and I love her, but she doesn't want to get back together just because I broke up with her over text message. I feel like she's just being stubborn. Help!!
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broke up, crush, friend with benefits, get back together, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Girls are excrutiatingly difficult. If she continues to be wishy washy like this just move on man. "Done with Boys"? Come on. You deserve better than that. All you did was send one lousy text. You didn't insult her, you didn't cheat on her, you didn't do an inumerable amount of shitty things bf's do. If she comes to see you at Thanksgiving, great, if she doesn't, well, whatever. She lives 6 hours away from you, so it will be really easy to distance yourself from her if things don't end up working out. You are a young guy and you have your entire life ahead of you. If it doesn't work out, there will be other girls, trust me. It may seem right now like she is the only one for you, believe me I have gone through this, but with time you will come to realize that she isn't.
A
male
reader, justaguy18 +, writes (15 November 2009):
justaguy18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell. She's said that she is done with boys and that she is taking a break from relationships.A couple days ago she also said that when I come home for thanksgiving break, we'd get together and talk and see how things go...but then yesterday she said she changed her mind and that I broke up with her and what's done is done.I guess I should move on?Ahhh girls are so difficult!
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (15 November 2009):
If you are already on a talking basis that generally is a good sign. She still wants you in her life, but is unsure if she wants to start a relationship with you again. I guess the important thing here is what you talk about. If you continue to just keep talking without directly addressing the issue, I feel you both will sort of stay exactly where you are. Bring it up when it feels right to you, when she seems emotionally open and not in a hurry at all. Remember to apologize a million times, say you did it in a moment of weakness, that you were an idiot, etc, etc. Then try to remind her how much she means to you. I mean, it is incredibly tempting to just keep talking like nothing's happened, because that's easy and comfortable at this point. But I think that will really end up being pretty painful for the both of you because you both aren't sure of where you stand. If she reacts negatively, if she says she "cant be in a relationship right now," That's generally a sign that she just wants you around as a friend, and nothing more. And then its up to you to decide if you want to be that friend, or move on. Good luck man!
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A
male
reader, justaguy18 +, writes (15 November 2009):
justaguy18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey man. Thanks for the reply...things are getting real uptight. Is it a good idea to completely ignore her for a few days? Because it's been about three weeks and I've tried the regular talking thing and it was alright but that's just because we talked pretty much how we talked when we were together...so I feel she wouldn't get a chance to miss me if nothing's different (we are still 6 hours away from each other so talking is all we did anyway)
Thanks again
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (15 November 2009):
Ho boy. You got yourself into a wee bit of a mess man. I honestly would say that your best way to defend yourself is simply explain to her that you felt exasperated and texted that out of frustration. Please do not do that over another text though. Just give her a call and talk to her, or agree to meet somewhere. If she does not answer, leave a voice message. Give her room to think and to miss you. Again, do not text her. Do not write her a long letter. Do not try to force your way into her life or she will back off. If there is a chance you can get back together she will let you know. I wish you the very best.
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