A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My first post here.. sorry for making it sooo long..Everything was perfect and I was the happiest bf everWe would say "I Love You" and we are the type of people that don't toss around "I Love You" like if it was nothing. We would talk about marriage and our future.. But on 12/15 on my final exam week, she broke up with me... so my ex wrote me this two days after we broke up, word for word, and its basically the same thing that she said when we broke up:"I don’t know where or how to start.. but the most important thing I want to tell you is I’m sorry.. I’m sorry for hurting you.. I’m sorry for being cold.. I don’t expect you to understand me.. but if I don’t be cold now I feel like I’ll never be able to move on.. from my feeling toward you.. When you asked me if I did really love you.. and I answered that I love myself more.. What I meant was I did and do love you.. but I want to achieve so many things and I know that I can become a better person and grow.. and I feel like in order for me to do that I have to be alone.. I’m not letting you go because I found another man.. or because my feelings toward you isn’t the same anymore.. I really want you to know that because I don’t want to hurt you more then what I already have.. I was happy with you but I realized that I am happier alone when I’m independent and trying to achieve my goal in life.. and I really appreciate you letting me go.. I don’t know if you understood me.. but I know you respected my decision so you let me go.. I know it’s going to be hard for you.. but it will also be hard for me to see you at church.. not talk to you every night.. not being the same between us anymore.. But I know that I can do this and I know that you can as well.. I won’t ask you to be my friend.. but I do care about you and I want the best for you.. I want you to grow and be able to become a better person as well.. i won't pick up when you call now..."She had to go Mexico on 12/22 for winter break because her parents had moved there. on the day she was suppose to leave she called out of the blue and told me that that something happened with her parents in mexico so she couldnt leave until 12/27.. during the time she was still here we would text each other here and there, and sometimes she would call and i would call. even though she said we shouldntthe night before she left we met up, and watched a movie together... it felt like before, like she was my gf again.. i was very happy. on the day that she was suppose to leave, she called me while she was in the airport and she even called me from the airport where she was making a connecting flight. She even called from Mexico for three to four days, we would even chat online etc. It really felt like we were back together again.. After the third or fourth passed, nothing... i didnt receive any phone calls and she wouldnt appear on messenger. A couple of days of nothing, i thought she had gone for trip with her family, i emailed her asking how she was doing and she said she was doing ok and she hadnt gone anywhere, and after that nothing again...so.. its been like that since... and she will be back on 1/16 and i will see her in church on the 17th.. i havent talked to her in about two and half weeks... i really dont know what to think of it... i dont know what i should do... i need advice... i am very confused.. should i just let her go? am i being selfish?the way i see it, i could actually help her grow as a person and she could help me too..
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 Coming from a girl, I know what she's trying to say. Although you were a great boyfriend, and I'm sure a great person too, she doesn't think you're the one. I think she's done a lot of thinking and she's realized that she can't see a future with you and she's decided to let you go now rather than drag things out.
Perhaps she's looking for something that doesn't exist, but at this point in time you're not it. When she says she needs to grow on her own and all that, she means she wants to be free to meet other men...i.e. you're not the one.
I'm sure you're feeling terrible at the moment. If you want to take care of yourself and your feelings you need to let her go completely. No phone calls, meetings or anything like that. She's made her decision and all you will do by staying in contact with her is hurt yourself. You need time to understand all this and to deal with it. And you need to do this on your own.
In time, you will get over this and you will realize that she is probably not worth it...because right now you're not worth it for her. I can promise you that you will meet a girl who will think you're the one and who will not let you go.
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 January 2010):
You NEED to let her go. Growing as a person is something she wants to do alone and not with you, sorry to say. I'm sure she really does love you and care about you, but to become the person that she wants to become, she needs and wants to do it on her own.
Definitely do not cling onto her don't call her anymore: nothing. If you keep trying it'll push her even further away and you'll feel even more hurt. She'll become more distant because she won't want to lead you on (which she unfotunately already has). You don't need her to grow as a person, you can do it on your own as well.
I think you should take it as a, it's not you, it's me situation. As cliche as it is, it's true. I've been in her position, and it doesn't mean that you're not a good person, that you were a bad boyfriend, or that she doesn't care about you. Just some people need to grow up without someone. She needs to focus on herself and she can't when she's in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): The way you're feeling right now about the whole situation is normal. From now on try not to make thing any worse by acting clingy, stop all contacts with her for now. If she wants to do things on her own then let her go on, if she's yours she'll find you. Plus when you see her in church don't act like a sad puppy but instead say 'hi' if you feel like it and if you don't then don't do it. Just act normal, just make sure that she recognise the man in you. Goodluck and i wish you well..
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