A
male
age
41-50,
*reamguy
writes: I'm very very sad and heartbroken. My girlfriend broke up with me 1 week ago. She said her reasons were that she couldn't handle the stress of the arguments we have in our relationship because she has alot on her plate right now. She's grieveing for her father's death that happened 2 months ago. She's grieveing from her grandmother's death still from March of last year. Now a cousin of hers is in the hospital with a skull injury for rehabilitation and her mom is having low sugar reactions. I talked to her last Thursday on yahoo messenger and she said she has a rough patch right now and she does not want to be in a relationship. Is she just giving me a BS excuse to get out or could this be legitimate? Plus she can't get stressed because she is prone to have seziures. Should I still have contact with her? I want her back more than anything. We've broken up like 4 times in the past. This has been a 4 year relationship. I tried calling her house a few days ago but she wouldn't answer the phone. Have I blown my chances with her?
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male
reader, dreamguy +, writes (24 January 2008):
dreamguy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well here is an update. Here I am 1 year later. I just wanted to let everyone know that it turns out that the reasons for my breakup had everything to do with what was going on in my ex girlfriend's mind concerning the deaths in her family.
My ex also has an anger disorder that she's getting counseling for. I have kept in contact with her on and off during the last year to support her as a friend. She had been drinking for awhile but she's coming out of it.
On January 10th she e-mailed me on myspace saying:
" I really and trully miss EVERYTHING that we did together. I really meant it when i told you that i still love you and i'm starting to regret the things that i told you last year when we broke up..."
Then on January 21st she sent me a comment on my myspace page saying:
"That four year relationship was one of the best ones that i have ever been in with any man in my life...I'm also grateful that we have still kept in touch since then.I also want to tell you that i love you and i always will. At the time of the breakup i was going through so much turmoil that my head was spinning and i ended up hurting you for no reason..I wish that i had never ended the relationship at all. But in some ways it has made you and myself better people and we're still able to talk about everything just like we did when we were together."
She also told me that she's free this weekend except for a little bit of house cleaning. I told her that I was free this weekend too and didn't have anything planned.
Should I ask her to meet up or should I wait for her to ask me? I would like to meet her up for ice ceam and talk. Should I talk to her about rebuilding the relationship from scratch or should I wait for her to bring it up?
A
male
reader, dreamguy +, writes (29 January 2007):
dreamguy is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to thank you all for your insights into my situation. I surely intend to be there for her in anyway that she will allow me to. I'm seeing more clearly now that she really does need emotional support. Last Thursday when I talked to her on IMs she was very short with me for most of the talking session.
It's been 3 days since I've talked to her & 8 days since the break up. I think I'll wait a few more days & then check in with her on yahoo messenger to see how she's doing.
I won't bring up any subjects related to our relationship or any other heavy subjects. I am realizing that I need to keep the conversations positive & light and I intend to do that from here on out.
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A
female
reader, xLEAHx  +, writes (28 January 2007):
 I seriously think you should give her space the poor girl has had it rough and i can understand why she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now becaise she can't cope with one ,some ppl just want to be left alone to grieve,she maybe also thinking about your feelings too she doesn't want to burden you with her problems and she cant give you what you want at this time,why not try messaging her with an email or txting her seeing as she won't answare your calls and tell her that your always be there for her whenever she needs to talk or see you,let her know that you still care and love her and want to remain friends no matter what,and just leave it as that for a while, let her sort her head out and grieve and maybe when she's over everything your have another chance with her.
hope this helps good luck
xLEAHx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (28 January 2007):
 You haven't blown your chances at all. I think you need to put her first for now though. Her reasons for breaking up have NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with her. She needs support and understanding right now, not someone pestering her to get back into a relationship. If she won't answer the phone write her a letter and tell her that you fully accept she needs some space from your relationship now to get her head together, but that you would like to be a friend to her so if she ever needs to talk she can talk to you. I know it hurts that you've broken up but remember that however you're feeling right now, you need to be there for her above anything else.
CD
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): Hey dude! You havent blown your chances as long as you hang in there and show her what a cool, supportive dude you are.Thats some stuff to deal with, if she's making excuses you'll tell in no time, then go cruising for someone else!
Its not the time to be worrying about your needs just chill, be nice to her and show her what she's got by having you in her life! If your in her life you havent lost her yet! Send her flowers letting her know your here if she ever needs to talk!! Then let her decide. Hang in there and good luck!
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A
female
reader, cseame  +, writes (28 January 2007):
 After a relationship is broken it is best to become friends....so for now you shouldn't be aiming for wanting her back..be friends with her and help her when she is greiving....its a really hard time for her now so she needs all the support she can get
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