A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:People;I am a seriously and totally confused guy. Im a 29 year old guy, and i am totally and utterly in love with a woman 10 years older. I have no issue with the age difference at all.We do enjoy each others company and talk regulary and have a great time, but everytime the same thing happens, to much gets drunk by her and she professes her undying love for me and tells me she wants to be with me and i feel like a king. The next morning however, she is cold, apologetic and ignores me for a few weeks and then the cycle starts again. It has happened 5 times in the last 9 months.I have never been in this situation, i know i do love her, with all my heart but if anyone else had done this i would never speak to them again. But this time its like i am expecting it to hapen, and i cop it every time. I am besotted with this woman and i dont know what to do. She does know how i feel; i have told her.I have showered her with gifts, flowers and everything else i can think of but im at the point where i know i have to walk away, but i cant bring myself to do it.......Lastly, its her birthday coming up and i have bought her a very expensive watch and am getting a message engraved on the back in her native language(its worth more then my car) is that over the top, and am i clinging to a failing dream??????? and shuld i feel like a toal loser because i put up with it?????
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): You say that don't have issues with the age difference but maybe she does.
Sounds like she really feels the "drunk" way about you but when she's sober she doesn't allow herself to approve of you anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): In vino veritas .... there is truth in wine. Wine loosens the tongue which the inhibited person is not aware of .
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 It sounds like you could be buying her love. Don't get me wrong, women love gifts, but if you are one of those wonderful guys that like to buy the gifts, try not to do it right off the bat. Wait till you know the girl loves you as much as you love her before you start showering her with all the wonderful things that you offer.
That may not work with this one, but it will work with the next one if you move on from this one. If I was you I would not give this woman something that costs that much since she is treating you this way. If she was around all the time and wanted to be with you all the time and treated you the same way (in a good loving way) every day, then I think it would be a great idea to give her the watch. It sounds as though she is giving you the cold shoulder and is just using you. I would take the watch back and start looking for a new woman, one that will appreciate you and what you can offer... not one that only comes around when she is bored.
And if you love her as much as you say you do, I would definatly try to at least talk to her about this; let her know how you feel about her and how she makes you feel by her actions... see if things improve over a couple of weeks, if they don't... then I would really try to move on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi
You need to let this woman know that her actions are not acceptable. Let her know how you feel and that you dont appreciate being left in the dark. She needs to be straight with you and tell you where you stand in her life.Its either she wants a relationship with you or she doesnt. You have a right to know. The fact that you buy her gifts all the time maybe why she likes to have you around (im not sure if this is the case) but i dont think that her behaviour is right or acceptable. Speak to her and let her know how you feel.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 This woman needs you to be a man and take responsibility and leadership of this relationship. I'm not talking about being a jerk or being abusive, I'm talking about making the decisions and making sure that she's being taken care of.
How did I come to that conclusion? Well, when she drinks she's the perfect gf. Alcohol causes people to lose inhibitions and thus lose responsibility of their actions. It's never your fault while you're drunk, it's only your fault that you got drunk. She got drunk because she doesn't want to feel like she's responsible for everything anymore.
By showering her with gifts and attention that she hasn't done anything to deserve (other than being your gf) you are simply giving up any notion of you having standards in your life. A man has standards. If you think this is crazy then let me ask you this, would you shower a male friend with gifts and attention? If you were raising a child, would you indiscriminately shower him or her with gifts and attention? What about a family dog or cat? I personally answered no to all 3 of those questions, so by comparison you're treating her in a way no regular living being should be treated. Interesting realization isn't it?
Be a man. Be exciting and fun. Be charming. Do something other than be mundane and wishy-washy. Take charge and make some decisions.
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A
female
reader, Peppytoon +, writes (6 November 2007):
Maybe you should talk to her about it when she's sober? I don't know if you have already or not but that might help clear things up for you if you haven't. Is she married? It's just strange that she acts the way she does when she's under the influence but then totally backs off when she's sober. Maybe she's in love with you but is afraid of getting involved? I think it's sweet that you shower her with gifts...but I wouldn't go too crazy with it as this may creep her out a bit and come across as being a little too available...both men & women are turned off by those make themselves over available...not that you are...I mean I don't really know for sure. It just sort of looks that way. Hope this helps and good luck...you sound like a sweet guy and she'd be crazy not to see that :)
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