A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend and I are three years apart. She's 21 while I'm 24. We've known each other for seven years now, and we're literally closer than family. She has problems with self-harm and depression, she has BPD, mild bipolar and chronic insomnia. No one knows she has all that apart from me and her GP. I support her in everything she does, and make sure she always talks about how she feels and what's going through her head, since she has a habit of bottling things up and pretending she's fine. I'd do anything for her. She is soley the most amazing person I've ever met in my life. She's depressed, yet she's forever optimistic about everything, she's really kind and gentle, caring and passionate about everything and everyone. She'd do anything for anybody in a heartbeat. As you can probably tell, I really do love her as more than a friend, and I have done for about six years. As cliche as it sounds, I can't describe how much I love her. My whole world surrounds her, but she has no idea. Two years ago, she got a boyfriend (who she is still with today) and that made me really jealous. He wasn't (and still isn't really) good enough for her. He doesn't look after her like I do, he doesn't understand she needs to have someone make her talk about her feelings, or she'll end up breaking down. He doesn't even care about her feelings really, he says the most careless things that she takes to heart. When she cries, he tries to comfort her, but he can't calm her down as well or as quickly as I can. Anyway, I hid it as well as I could, but I couldn't help some of the snarky comments that fell from my lips time to time. I couldn't take it after a while, so I broke off all contact with her. I just couldn't take seeing her with her boyfriend. So I moved out, (we were flatmates) and didn't tell her why. I ignored her completely. Whenever she would come over to my new flat I wouldn't answer the door. I wouldn't answer when she rang me, I wouldn't answer her texts. I made sure I never went anywhere, so I couldn't see her. I thought that if I never saw her, I would get over her. It was for the best. The only people who knew why I did this were my brother and his friend, who my bestfriend is also good friends with. I didn't ever tell her I hated her though, because of course, I didn't.That went on for about a year, and even though I never talked to her, I still asked my brother and others how she was and what she had been up to. I gathered that she'd stopped eating all together (she was already scarily thin), was even more depressed, wouldn't talk to anybody, she cried randomly, and when she wasn't crying she was just dead. She never smiled, which is strange since she had always been so smiley and hyperactive. She was there, but she wasn't there in herself. She was just a human body with no soul.After a while (a year like i mentioned) I just couldn't stay away, and I surprised her by getting my brother to take her somewhere that I would be waiting for them. When I saw her, it really did scare me. She was literally dead, she looked awful. I vowed right then I'd never leave her, no matter what happened. When she saw I was there, her old smile returned and she was so happy she started to cry and ramble incoherantly. Everything was fine again, and I moved back in.But about three months ago, she asked me if I was okay with her moving in with her boyfriend. I thought that was really weird that she was asking me, until she told me they'd be moving to Arizona (where her boyfriend is orignally from). I said I'd have to think about it.I know that was really long winded for what I'm about to ask; but should I say yes or no? I want her to be happy, but I still really love her. After what happened before I don't want to leave her. I don't want to feel lost and confused again. I want to say no so she'll have to break up with her boyfriend and I'll be the one to comfort her, finally having her to myself again. I feel so selfish. What should I do?- oh, and ofcourse she doesn't know that I love her. I don't think I'd be able to stay her friend if she didn't feel the same.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Zuni  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 I know this is old, and i don't know if you will read this, but trust me, the biggest mistake ever made is not coming clean on how you feel about her, if you haven't and still can tell her that you love her, you should, Because one moment of swallowing your pride and saying that you love her and don't want her to leave with him is better than a life time of regret wishing that you had said it.
A
female
reader, always.you +, writes (14 June 2009):
 tell her you love her.
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