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Shall I give into guilt and tell my beloved? That I kissed a few times with a boy when I was younger? Or how can I deal with my feelings on this?

Tagged as: Dating, Love stories, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 March 2013) 6 Answers - (Newest, 21 March 2013)
A female India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I was in a relation for 3 years with a guy, and i thought i loved him..

True love type of love, but I was too young and went with the flow did wrong things like inviting him home when no one was around.

We kissed a couple of times.. But eventually he turned out to be a suffocatingly possessive person so we broke up. Should I tell my Bf this?

After that I met a guy in my college we became best friends and eventually fell in love..

He knows about my ex and how it ended and all..

Now its been more than 2 years we have been together and somewhere inside i have this guilt that should i tell my boyfriend, that i did something like that and kissed another boy. I know it sounds naive but i am his first love and i wish i had met him first.

View related questions: best friend, broke up, fell in love, my ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013):

Are you planning on marry this boy, do you think that he thinks you never did anything at all with that first boy?

Have you heard about casual sex that people have on a regular basis nowadays, and no one throws stones at them anymore.

Really, who can possibly care if you kissed someone?

My husband before we met had more than a hundred women, do you think I care what happened before me?

I had my share of guys, he knows I was not a virgin, how can it possibly influence someone nowadays?

Unless your both are very religious, who cares?

But if you were both that religious you wouldn't date anyone for that long without getting married already, which means you are not that strict.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013):

to be honest i cant see why your so worried. if all you did was kiss this guy then so what? You were in a relationship so kissing was only natural. When we are young most of us want to meet "the one" and want a fairytale end to our first love. Sadly the reality is usually very different, we meet someone, think we have fallen in love, make love, kiss, etc and then we often drift apart. Heres my story: I met my first true love and thought we would be together for ever, we were both virgins. We decided we would abstain until marriage. Then i graduated and tried hard to find work and couldnt, when i did find a job i was bullied. My GF didnt understand as she was a year younger and had yet to gruadate. She still naively thought she would walk stright into a great job, move to the US and life would be perfect. I was coming home every nite almost in tears from work, my dad became ill and a friend of mine, a dear lifelong friend, took his own life. Me and my GF drifted apart rapidly and soon split up. After that i put any thoughts of "saving myself" for the perfect loving partner out of my mind, just enjoyed my relationships and never looked back. I understand that you may be of strong religious or moral beleif (which i am not) which is your choice but to feel guilty about kissing a man before meeting your partner is going too far ;-) we all experience these things as part fo growing up: emotions, attrtactions, mistakes, kisses, sexual experiences, and nothing to be guilty about.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (20 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou have guilt because you kissed another boy? is that the only reason?

if so LET IT GO... it's no big deal in my opinion.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013):

There is no need to tell him and in fact may harm your relationship if you do....he may not be able to erase the images out of his mind once he sees them. Do not tell him. If he really felt the need to know, he would have asked you.

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A female reader, rock202 Australia +, writes (20 March 2013):

I think that if you feel guilty now about it, you will feel even more as the time passes. It will influence how you see yourself, how you see him etc etc. Mind can create a havoc inside. The other option is to somehow really and honestly decide and feel deep inside that it is not needed to tell him. You will have to live with one of these two choices.

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A female reader, cute angel Australia +, writes (20 March 2013):

cute angel agony auntOP,

Dating,first kiss,first love its all part of growing up!your answerable to noone but yourself about who kissed!its really a 'small'thing OP!!the more you think about it the more complicated its going to get!now your bf knows that you had an ex,its all good,he doesn't need to know any intimate details..its all in the past,now you have a new start with your bf,you have started a fresh page why dig in the past and tell things to your current boyfriend which doesn't even matter!!if he wanted to know more he would have asked you OP your worrying for no reason,there is nothing to be guilty about,focus on your present,forget the past!because right now your like a pendulum going back and forth betwEen your ex and current bf..cut the thread,let it all go!!focus on what's important in your life now..good luck

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