A
male
age
30-35,
*rummaster350
writes:I plan on staying a virgin until my wedding night and I hope to marry a virgin. I'm concerned about what our wedding night might be like. This might sound naive but just how messy is sex without a condom. Is there semen everywhere? What about her love juices? I'm curious individual who has no "experience" in such matters so advice for my wedding night would be much obliged.
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condom, semen, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, davidanstey  +, writes (24 November 2009):
When my wife and I have sexual intercourse the majority of the sperm ends up inside her and not on the bed, soft, etc
so sex doesn't have to be messy.
Other forms of sex may be a different matter. My wife and Ionly have intercourse. I guess blow jobs are really messy.
A
male
reader, a husband +, writes (10 April 2008):
As a man who was a virgin and married a virgin, there will be no regrets. There are a lot more virgins out there than these people here know what they are talking about. The reason I know that is because people who are committed to virginity do not get involved with the people who don't care. They are out there, they just don't spend their time on websites like this.
Sexual compatibility is a joke -- you are supposed to be bad at anything you're doing for the first time. You will learn together what each of you likes.
And don't just "happen" to fall in love. Love is a choice, and choosing to love daily is what keeps you together.
(And yes, sex can be messy, but nothing a little hand towel can't take care of.)
A Husband
www.iamhusband.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): It's pretty messy . IF you do it right that is . Don't worry about it . You guys will be so into it you probably won't care . It's not that bad . You'll be fine just make sure you have stuff to clean up with
Have fun ! :P
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A
male
reader, drummaster350 +, writes (21 March 2008):
drummaster350 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks LJ001
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): You sound like a really nice, down to earth guy :]
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A
male
reader, drummaster350 +, writes (20 March 2008):
drummaster350 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to make it clear that marrying a virgin would be the ideal but certainly not the only option. I'm going to marry who I happen to fall in love with and who happens to fall in love with me. Regardless of what her past sex life might have been.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Hey Drummaster!
Let me first applaud you for taking the narrowed, mostly untraveled road of chastity until marriage. Very noble.
Having said that - in this day and age it would almost be a miracle to find someone else who is a virgin. Not that it isn't possible, but much harder. So don't look down on her if she is not.
Sex will be messy. You'll get sweaty, your "juices" will intermingle and run out of her causing the famous "wet spot" on the sheets. You will ejaculate inside her, so while the ejaculate will be inside, sometimes it tends to spill out after you pull out.
You can think about what you would like to do afterwards. Some couple like to take a bath after sex to help wind down and it keeps the couple close for that skin to skin contact that some people desire. Other couples just cuddle in the mess they've made and worry about it in the morning.
When the time comes, you'll be more than happy to deal with the mess. Someone told me a long time ago, the messier it is, the better it was. I don't know, just a saying.
Good luck Drummaster.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Is sex messy? Only if you are doing it right.
Annalisa pretty much got the gist of it although she forgot about the sweat, basically both of you will be clammy.
As for the virgin thing, well good luck to you, compared to people who feel they have to loose before 18 or there friends will think bad of you, yours is the nobler cause.
BUT do not think bad of a person who is not a virgin. Concentrate less on being a persons first and more on being their last, although not in the serial killer way offcourse :/
If you love a girl who has had a million lovers, remember that is what made her the person she is now.
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw
It is easy to remain a virgin, it is far harder to be a good person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008):
Be 100% prepared to marry someone who has been sexually active in the past. With multiple different partners. And I don't just mean the non-religious women.
I hate to be a buzzkill but you absolutely need to deal with this issue if you haven't already. In my experience, once you get into the early/mid 20s there are a lot more male virgins left than female ones.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Sorry to intrude this fairy tale but I need to inject some realism.
Firstly, you say you "hope to marry a virgin". That's going to be a pretty tricky first date conversation because presumably there will be no point dating non virgins. You are going to rule out of a lot of great girls.
Secondly, you ask if sex is messy. Yes, it's downright nasty. That's the whole point. Sex also has a smell.
Thirdly, the fact that you're asking this question shows the whole naivety of no-sex-before-marriage. Lets suppose you're not sexually compatible with your partner (it happens). How will that play out?
People who abstain from sex have an expectation that their wedding night will be "perfect". I have heard of very few such nights. You will both be nervous (or drunk). You will probably not perform very well.
That is the reality.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): To be honest, I think people over-estimate how messy sex without a condom can be. Yes, you can get semen on the bed sheets and women often get very wet down there too, and I admit, it does go on the bed! But it's not like you're swimming in the stuff! I think this should be the least of your worries on your special day honey, making love for the first time to your wife will be an amazing experience for you, and a little bit of mess shouldn't cause a problem. By the way, you're making the right choice by waiting :]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Surely you must know how much semen you produce? That's how messy it gets! Hard to believe that you don't masturbate - I take your point about inexperience but the amount of lovejuice a woman produces is, generally speaking, not in proportion to what a man produces. It is quite a modest amount and rarely 'pours' out. Just keep some tissues handy so she can clean up after sex. As for yourself, I would wash my penis shortly after the act to prevent any nasty smell occuring later. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (20 March 2008):
 First let me applaud you for your decision to save yourself for your bride. You are one in a million.
In answer to your question, I am sure you know the amounts of seman you produce already depending on how long you may go between emissions. Of course the longer you go without ejaculating the more you will store up.
As far as she goes, one woman may get wetter than another. All of this will become familiar to you and it will not be uncomfortable to you or her.
You may want a towel or such handy, however, because of course the more fluids produced the more you will need something to dry off with.
Basically, common sense will rule in that when you ejaculate inside her the seman will not just disappear. Gravity will play its part and cause the seaman to drain out.
I have spoken with those who sometimes use condoms to avoid this minor problem for various reasons aside from contraception.
Trust me though when I say you will have fun learning all these intimate details with her. Just let your instincts guide you and neither of you will be unhappy. Doc
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