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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: help me..i have a good husband, my problem is i have a high sex drive and i have turned to sex chatting on the internet to chat to men. Is this cheating, what is wrong with me,i feel guilty afterwards, i just so frustrated. Anytime i want sex with my husband he is tired, we dont have sex that much and i wish we could, i do initiate sex with him, but his sex drive i feel is not as high as mine. hes years younger than me. I am 34. What is wrong with me, do i have a problem? please advise
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male
reader, carlreeves  +, writes (29 April 2008):
Sit your husband down and say to him "do you want to loose me? because I don't want to loose you ! so take me to bed and make love to me like it's the first time" or better still do it in the kitchen anywhere, just tell him that your sexual need is great and you don't want to go looking elsewhere ! my best advice to anyone is get out together and start dancing ! I started 2 1/2 years ago now and I have always had a good sex drive, but since dance, it's gone through the roof !! the passion that comes out in dance is truly amazing, I met my girlfriend at this style of dance (modern jive or Ceroc) it's a very easy form of dance to get into, but I can tell you this, the first time we made love to slow sexy music, I was caressing her neck and back as we danced slowly rubbing her shoulders and kissing her ears, all the time dancing and she just dropped her dress ! after you have danced like in any for of excersise your endorfins are flying around your body and thats what brings out the passion.So grip your husband by the neck and tell him your passionate and you need him now !
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Yes, poster, sex chatting to other men over the internet is cheating. It is because you're finding sexual relief elsewhere.
However, I understand you. I can't miss why you have resorted to sex chatting. It is very clear that the sex isn't satisfactory for you, and that your husband isn't even trying to improve that.}
I can see why some people would think of sex chatting as an "innocent" way of dealing with your problem. They will say that at least this isn't flesh and blood contact. However, if your insatisfaction continues, sooner or later you will want the real thing.
I don't think that this is a problem that has developed in a short time. It doesn't seem like this is a mere difference in sex drive, since you say that "anytime" you want sex with him, he says he's tired. In my opinion, that means you're not having any sex, or then very little. How much is "very little" is open to debate and we can't know (or need to know), but this is the root of the problem.
A vibrator would be a temporary solution, I guess. Masturbation is not like the real thing. You eventually don't find just the same satisfaction in it.
I would say that you stopped the sex chatting, and also tried to fix the lack of sex at home. And also, think of a long-term plan of action.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): to be honest. I do the same, I dont see it as cheating though, I dont do it with the same person, i do it to amuse myself, however my boyfriend knows. Maybe you should tell your husband
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): nope i dont believe it is at all. But is your chatting to others about sex going to stop at just that?. every one needs fantasys and as long as it stays as that its cool
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Sorry!! but yes its wrong. And I'm sure that your husband would see it as cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): How would you feel if your husband was sex chatting to other women? Seek counselling, there must be a reason why your husband is so uninterested in sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Its probably not the ideal solution if you are going to feel bad about it. I would suggest approaching him about it in a round about way...next time you initiate sex and get rejected just say well I need something, do you mind if I watch porn or use the computer to find ways of entertaining myself? Im sure that he might jump to the task if thats not what he wants or maybe he will agree and then you dont have to feel guilty about it because he knows. just a suggestion. x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 You feel guilty because you feel what you are doing is wrong therefore it IS wrong. Buy yourself a vibrator for those in-between times with your husband. And cut out that internet nonsense.
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