A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We are both 25 years old (The age on my profile doesn't update for some reason). We recently broke up because I found out by going through his computer that he has been seeing his ex behind my back for movies and he admitted to me that he still has feelings for her, but that they have not done anything that crosses the line. We broke up, he cried, I cried. Afterwards, he was texting and emailing me many times daily saying that he was devastated and that he would do anything to get me back. He said he was stupid to have thought about her and explained that it was only a temporary feeling as we have been having many fights and arguments and he has been feeling very frustrated with me. He also said that he would cut ties with her and would not see or talk to her. While I believe that he sincerely wants me back, I do not believe that he could stop thinking about her and cut ties with her just like that. While he has not technically cheated on me, I still feel betrayed and cheated on knowing that another girl has been on his mind all this time. I like him a lot and have a lot of fun with him, and I know that without him, at least for these few months, my life would be quite miserable. But at the same time I have always had big insecurity issues with him, and after this incident, I cannot imagine how insecure I would feel as all trust is lost. Others have told me that this is a small issue, because he has not technically cheated on me. What do you think? Is your partner having lingering feelings for another person something that you could accept? Would you believe that he could really cut ties with her, and is there any way that I could be sure that he really is not seeing her anymore? Is this relationship doomed to fail if I can't bring myself to trust him again?
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female
reader, didda123  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Whilst he still has feelings of any kind for his ex i doubt he can devote enough attention to you, his mind will always be elsewhere, that is the experience i have had anyway.
I know he probably believes he is sincere when he says he will cut ties as my ex did but once he is secure in your relationship he will start to feel and think more towards her again.
I'm sure there is always the exception to the rule but on the whole this is the story all round when someone is torn between two people.
I think the best thing is to be strong gather yourself together, keep yourself busy to take your mind off things and hopefully the pain will pass soon.
A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (30 November 2008):
I have been in a very similar situation to you. My partner has been back to his ex several times now each time I have taken him back because he swore to me it was over and convinced me i could trust him.Each time it was wonderful at first but with time my intuition kicked in and i just knew something was going on. When the trust is gone the relationship is over. I know it is extremely difficult and we don't want to hear it but I do think it is for the best to move on. I am at a very difficult time in my life right now as my relationship has recently ended hence im on this site. He may conact me again but i have decided enough is enough and I must be strong and I think you should be too. Good luck I hope things work out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. It hurts me to think that this relationship is over just like that. So you too believe that his feelings for his ex won't go away and that all the stuff he said about how he's willing to change and cut ties with her are all BS?
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Hi honey, in my opinion from what youve said,the reason you've had insecurity issues with him is because on an instinctive level youve always felt he was untrustworthy,and guess what? You were right. If you were with a guy who you really could trust, you wouldnt feel that way believe me. Please move on and find a guy who isn't quite so weak a person. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Honey, you will never feel the same way about him again. Consider yourself too good, too precious for someone to play with. Just think of all of the marvelous people you could meet and the romantic dates you could be going on if you weren't waiting for him to call while he was "at the movies". If you've broken up with him before, how many "movies" did you see before you hopped into bed with him? If you two are married, I'd say go to counseling to regain your trust-he'd have to be willing to be incredibly open with you, and if he's not willing (and it sounds like he has already made you feel insecure enough to break into his email) you will never feel better than you do right now.
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