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Second cousin has a crush on me. Could it be a problem?

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 June 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 1 July 2008)
A male United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

yeah i have a 2nd cousin thats had a crush on me since we were little. i never really thought much about it but now im starting to get a crush on her... the problem is i dont know if she still likes me or how our friends and family would take it...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008):

Whether you decide to act upon your crush or not is up to you. If you are worried about you family's views then maybe you could ask them about it first and see if they would have any problems with it or not.

If you like each other then you could try dating and see if you are as well suited as you'd both hope.

But it is important for you to know that genetically it is more dangerous for you two to have children then it would be for you to have a child with a first cousin. There is a higher risk of the child having defects.

Good Luck. x

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A male reader, DuncanGreen United States +, writes (1 July 2008):

DuncanGreen agony auntShe had a crush on you when you were little... she probably doesn't still like you, as that would be a pretty long time to have a crush on someone.

However, if you're wondering, the freaky biological offspring really only happens with immediate family; If she does like you, second cousins are fair game :) ... I think its even legal for first cousins to marry in most states

Might be a shocker to family, but if it doesn't work out it'll make for interesting family reunions...

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (1 July 2008):

lexilou agony auntYoure right it is a crush and you dont have to act on it. There are lots of other girls out there who will be equally attractive to you. Safe yourself the heartache and put her out of your mind and think of her as a relative x

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (30 June 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntCousins look like really attractive partners when you're young. The hard part of getting to know them is taken care of for you. But it's almost always an illusion. Such things almost never really work out, especially if you try to start them when you're very young.

Give this one time and lots of space. Keep it to yourself for now. Be friendly but not overly friendly (you know what I mean) to your cousin at family gatherings and other times that the two of you are together. If the attraction remains over the next few years, then it's time to re-think it. Your family (yes, friends too) may be a little freaked at the idea of a relationship with so close a relative, but if the two of you eventually DO discover that you were meant to be together, that fact will persist over the next five years or so. And it will survive the social stigma that still attaches to it.There are, I believe, jurisdictions in this country where marriages such as that are allowed, so the idea is not hopeless.

But at your age, keep it to yourself and keep it VERY cool.

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A female reader, dangerouslove. United States +, writes (30 June 2008):

dangerouslove. agony auntI know we can't control who we like, but we can control what we do with the ones we like and how we act on it.

I think you should really step down and think about how your family and friends would feel about this, I don't think they'd be to happy, or sending out any

"congratulations!" There are many girls out there, do you really think your second cousin is the one for you? Probably not. I don't think it's worth risking your feelings and your familys too.

Best of luck,.

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