A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I moved out of the dorms last year because of shitty roommates and in with a gay guy I thought was a friend. E and I work full-time and attend school part-time. Other than him quitting jobs suddenly (he at least gets another one) and refusing to do dishes or take out garbage (he is meticulous about the living room and dining area) he wasn't a bad roommate. He pays his portion of the bilsl on time but is always out of money for emergency situations because all he does is order Doordash. He never cooks but happliy eats MY leftovers. His excuse is that I make $2 an hour more than he does and I usually get 5-10 hours of overtime every other week. Well now he's met a girl online (not romantically) and he feels sorry for her because her adoptive mother kicked her out. I'll call the girl V. Apparently, V has been in an out of foster houses and her last foster mom adopted her. I was told she was 20. V took it upon himself to take her in. She sleeps on the couch. E at first offered my air mattress (the one my nine year old sister sleeps on when she visits every two months). E also offered my room "because it's bigger and has it's own bathroom). Well, v Managed to puncture the air mattress and she keeps bugging me to buy a new one "this time a queen size". I put a lock on my bedroom door and neither one of them spoke to me for days except to ask for a copy of the key! They both continued to eat my food so I got a mini fridge to lock in my room. They of course got really mad about that. V doesn't have a job and I found out she's actually 17 and cannot get a job without a parent-signed work permit. She claims her adoptive mom kicked her out and won't sign it I don't know what to believe. Shr uses her "minor status" all the time and is always spouting off about her rights but she takes zero responsibility.She doesn't pay a dime in rent because she's in school still but she rarely goes. She says the teachers "talk to her crazy" and tell her what to do too much. She's smoked pot when my sister was visiting, which was traumatic for M (little sister) who went and told our parents who now are trying to get us all evicted so I'd be forced to move back home. I don't care if other ppl smoke weed because I've done it once in awhile but not in front of my sister! She didn't Know I smoked until then.V dirties up the apartment, dirties dishes, leaves them in the sink and leaves garbage around. I don't know where she gets $ but she's always ordering food and leaving it out. She's also broken into my room to eat my food, mess up the bathroom, and she used one of my depression glass bowls I've been collecting as an ashtray. I don't know why E buys her cigarettes, weed, and alcohol but he does.Everytime I say something to her she says, "I shouldn't have to clean, I'm a guest." " I can eat what I want, I'm a guest" " I have to use your shampoo and stuff, I don't have any. My mom kicked me out" E always sides wiry her all the time but never contribute anything towards what she needs besides alcohol, weed, and cigarettes. I've got no clue how to reach her adoptive mother or what her last name is or where she lives. V ways she had too many rules and that she's "too churchy" and treats her like a slave. I do know which church the lady goes to and I'm considering calling THEM.She keeps pointing out that since she's a minor, we're liable to her and she'll get us sued. She initially lied to E about her age, whether she graduated HS, whether or not she had a job, and so on. I want her out of here! E won't do a thing about it at all. I can't kick him out because he's on the lease too and I can't force his hand. I also found out through my landlord that although I can't kick him out, I'm liable for everything if he doesn't pay. I'm also worried because V threatened to get us in trouble for kidnapping/holding her hostage/anything she wants if I try to kick her out on the street. I'm at my wit's end with this!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2019): Cut thru all of the crap. Search thru everything in your room. Make sure that nothing illegal has been stashed in your posession. Be very very very thorough, because I can assure you that the police will be! Then when all 3 of you are there, call the police. Go outside to phone them. You do not want E and V to know that the police are coming. It will be best if E and V are partaking of alcohol and/or pot, when the police arrive! Most likely this 17yo is a runaway minor and the police will take her away! If E is harboring a runaway minor, he may be arrested for that. He can definately be arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor child, as well as posession of a controlled substance. You owe neither E or V any loyalty. You have been vocal about the concerns and issues that you have, with E housing this minor girl in your shared dwelling! Depending on the laws in the state that you live in, and Vs state of undress, when the police arrive, E may also be charged with statutory rape. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 November 2019):
 Also, another option.
You could tell E that EITHER she moves out or YOU do. Give him a week to think on that. Maybe he he think you ARE serious about it, he will do the right thing and kick her out.
He might think he is helping her, but he is not. He is enabling her to NOT have to do squat, not deal with her home situation etc. If her home situation is that bad she should in all honesty contact the coordinator/ her social worker or CPS. She chose not to. And for her to threaten you with "kidnapping" charges is just plain RIDICULOUS!
IF she makes threats CALL the police and have THEM come pick her up. (even better if you can record her telling you that she will accuse you of stuff if you don't allow her to do whatever she wants).
SHE isn't YOUR friend or YOUR child or YOUR responsibility so ANYTIME she tells you she doesn't have to do anything because she is a guest, tell her GUESTS go home, they don't OVERSTAY their welcome and YOU (her) have. She isn't ENTITLED to YOUR food, YOUR shampoo or ANYTHING you do not want to share. NOT a single thing.
And WHEN the lease is up, DO not renew it with HIS name on it, he needs to move out too or you will. But that is when you DO know what choices (as far as your lease) you have.
I would suggest you run a search and see if she is listed as a runaway.
I have a 17 year old at home and she certainly doesn't behave this responsible. And I have an exchange student (17 too) who PARTAKES in chores (my kids don't have many but they are expected to do the dishes, take the trash out, sort their laundry, clean their rooms, grab the mail from the mail box.) So if an exchange student from another country CAN do chores, SO can that little "guest" of yours.
My last piece of advice is this, IF/WHEN you live in a roommate/room share type of situation SET up FIRM rules and boundaries for WHO does what, and when. Limits for people staying over, share, not shared expenses and items (like toilet paper, cleaning supplies).
Don't let this continue because you don't want confrontation. You need, ABSOLUTELY NEED to stand up for yourself here.
Best of luck and keep us updated, please
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 November 2019):
Well, if the STUFF is all yours, they will have a FUN time when you move, won't they?
E is NOT a very good friend at all.
This is NOT a good situation for you. So again, check you lease, talk to your landlord, Look for another place to live as soon as possible.
This is a ridiculous and hostile environment for you.
And NO, I can't see how YOU are liable for HER. AT all.
You might also have a talk with your parents about your plans, and hopefully they WILL support you.
Don't let someone like "V" make waves in your life to a degree where you relationships with your own family and especially little sister comes at risk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2019): Thanks! I'm just frustrated that I'm the one who needs to be leaving because I'm the only one who is being responsible. Also - money. Also - all the furniture us mine, E just brought himself and clothes in garbage bags. He lived at his parents' but they were giving him a hard time for being gay. I don't believe V was kicked out of the house. I might have to move though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2019): Move as soon as your lease is up; or forfeit your deposit and move-out.
Send your landlord a certified letter, explaining why you're forced to break the lease. Have the letter notarized and maintain a copy. You will limit any liability for damages and your deposit will cover repairs or other costs.
What does your landlord-agreement have to say about people living in the property not on the lease?
If you called the police and asked them to remove her; she'll have to prove she has a right to be there. Do you really think they'll believe she's being held hostage??? Don't be so gullible!
You're scared of her and your roommate. What else can we suggest that you should do, that you'll have the courage to execute?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 November 2019):
You can't really MAKE E do anything, but you CAN find another place to live.
THAT is what I would do.
Talk to your land lord about ending YOUR lease and then find another room-mate/flat-share and move out ASAP.
(sometimes you have to pay a sum to END a lease early but I think it would be worth it).
It's TOO much drama trying to get THEM to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2019): Definitely contact the church and tell them V has been at your apartment. She sounds like a manipulative brat. I bet her mom and teachers don't take her crap.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 November 2019):
 If you are being threatened with charges of kidnapping go to the police and tell them about your unwanted "guest"
Tell them what started out as an act of kindness has turned into you being scammed and threatened.
Your room mate is way out of line and this little miss needs to be reunited with her legal family.
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