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Relationship rock and a hard place

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 August 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am currently in a relationship which is less than a year old. I love this girl a lot and even waited around for a couple of years while she was with someone else. She dumped the other guy as she was cheated on, she then she wanted to give us a try so I jumped at the opportunity and its a good relationship and we love each other and my family loves her.

The problem is that I have developed even stronger feelings for this other girl and we have so much more in common, we speak a lot more, and have more of a deeper connection. She said she loves me and I realised I love her too, the problem lies in what to do as I love them both but I have such a deeper connection with the other girl and I can see myself marrying the other girl.

Sorry for it being so long, I am really stuck on what to do and my head is breaking over this and I dont know what to do

What do I do? Who do I choose?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (16 August 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHow can you love her a lot? Her ex boyfriend cheated on her, that must have broke her heart and made her loose some trust in humanity. The poor girl. It sounds like you wanted what you couldn't have as she was in a relationship, and now that you have her you want to chase something else for a while. If it was a good relationship your head wouldn't be turned.

You speak more to this other girl than your own girlfriend? I assume you like the chase with girls. You are emotionally cheating on your girlfriend and now she is going to have her heart broken for the second time caused by another woman. That poor girl. She doesn't deserve such heartache. I hope one day that she finds someone who worships the ground she walks on and wouldn't dare talk to another girl behind her back.

Your head is breaking while your girlfriends heart is going to be breaking! Do the decent thing and end things with her she deserves better. I honestly think you should be single for a while to sort out your head, as it seems you are not mature enough to be in a committed relationship.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (10 August 2018):

N91 agony auntYou don’t love either.

You can’t claim to love someone it there’s another person in the picture. How can you look past a person that you love? You don’t see any other people, the sun shines out of their ass and you are blind to any other temptations.

How long have you been talking to this other girl? Have you been physical with her? If not then how can you be in love with someone you’ve only spoken to? You haven’t been intimate, have you even met? You’re still bacially strangers to be honest. It sounds like your current relationship is in a lull and a ‘grass in greener’ situation has arose. If you don’t see a future with your GF then break up, why would you stay?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 August 2018):

How do you really love this other girl? It takes time to nurture and develop love.

So you're cheating?

You don't develop love without close and regular-interaction, or exploring intimacy. Surely not at 22-25! Just staring at each other from afar doesn't draw powerful feelings like love. That ridiculous mess about "love at first-sight" doesn't fly with me. I refuse to debate that; because I know better! Chemistry and attraction can occur quickly. It's called lust! Love takes time to become well-established and bonded. It requires trust. Anything said to the contrary is illogical, and a pile of rubbish.

True-feelings of love and devotion develop over time; and undergoes trials and testing for endurance. Necessary to clearly and truly define those feelings as real. Love is a very deep emotion; and young people throw it around frivolously! A bunch of silly romanticizing! You are definitely attracted to the second-woman. That's more believable, or feasible. It's not love!

You better breakup with the first-girl. You waited for her, you say? In the competitive male-world, ego makes us pursue an eluding prize until we get it. It's our competitive-instinct. The thrill of the hunt! You had to prove to yourself that you could win her. You did! Now it's on to the next conquest!

To switch feelings so easily and seamlessly puts your feelings in the category of teenage puppy-love. It's wishy-washy and immature.

Honestly, I feel very sorry for the first young-lady. You no doubt told her how you waited and waited. She based her affections on that; and built her trust upon it. You will rip her heart out! You have an astonishing sense of entitlement, young man! The old toy has lost its novelty, now you need a new one!

Just as I said, just a bunch of romanticizing; and taking the true meaning of love completely out of context.

Sorry, I had to be harsh. I want you to think deep and hard. You're thinking with the smaller head; and it can justify just about anything when it wants to! No exactly what you're doing before you break someone's heart.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (10 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou need to finish with your poor girlfriend. You are already cheating on her (emotionally if not physically). She deserves so much better. Your heart is not in the relationship so why continue?

Once you have broken up, leave a decent amount of time before jumping into a relationship with the other girl. Don't make it obvious to your current girlfriend she was dumped because someone else caught your eye.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2018):

How can you spend time with this other girl without your gf knowing is this other girl at work possible ? If that the case then yea why not I mean you speak more right . So do the decent thing break it off and move on with ms newbe. Just wait until all the gloss wear of and you start doing normal stuff. If I were your gf I dropped your ass and not look back

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