A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:GUYS! I have a question... or two.I am a very attractive girl, I'm thin, tall, awesome legs and a great body, I'm in shape, but not crazy gym rat style. I think that the only down side I have is I'm small chested, but it fits my frame. My boyfriend of almost 2 years and I live together. He has been single most of his life. His last serious gf was his best friend of about 12 years. She was on the larger side. He has a massive porn collection that consists of 75% larger women, atleast 200lbs+. I walked in on him looking at porn one day and he told me he looks at big girls because he feels like they would want him more... I get it, he's a little insecure and these girls are more obtainable. Like his ex, they would chase him around. When we started dating, all his friends and family said to me, 'well aren't you Steve's perfect type' because I'm 105lbs and 5'7. I don't mind him looking at porn occasionally... I've wanted to do it together sometimes even. He doesn't want to look at it with me, and he doesn't want to have sex but maybe once a week. I'm a sex addict... I love slow, fast, hard, soft. I get on top, I'm active, I'm passive I'm kinky, I've acted out fantasies, I've offered threesomes... I'll do anything. We have great sex, even his best friend joked that "S" tells him I'm great and give the best oral and what not. When I tell him I'd like to have more sex, he tells me he feels like he's out of shape and can't and he's getting old (he's only 6 years older than me). Then I find out he looks at porn while I'm at work, for at least 2 hours a day. I asked him, ' Hey, I don't mind the porn, but ... everyday? for weeks, for months? Why not ask me to come home for lunch everyday?' but he insists against it, he gets upset at me finding him doing it when I do come home for lunch (i work 2 miles away).So, I know this isn't healthy, once a week with me and every day with the computer? I'm going crazy, it's making me insecure and emotional. I don't feel confident, even though I've cut my hair, dyed it, I switch into thongs and heels after work at least once a week and sexy nighties 3 or 4 times a week. I'm constantly playing dress up with wigs/outfits AND I'm a busy lady, I'm not clingy or too dependent... Am I ever going to find a guy who doesn't look at porn 24/7? Is there a guy out there who will be satisfied with having a girl who loves spicing it up alot but will be satisfied with anything!!! Why is he constantly too tired, busy or sick for even a bj but finds plenty of time for porn???
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at work, best friend, his ex, insecure, porn, sex addict, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (4 April 2009):
 Well as usual, "satindesire" said just about all needed here, but it seems your guy is hooked on his personal form of sexual existence, possibility excluding you much of his available time. That porno trash can be very addictive. Generally, do not expect change with any man.
A
female
reader, bronwyn +, writes (4 April 2009):
Yeah, been there. It wasn't heavy girls he was looking at, but otherwise the same situation. It was my computer he was using, so I put the damn parental controls on :). Eventually it played a large part in the ending of our relationship. Please take a look at what you have said: "I don't feel confident, even though I've cut my hair, dyed it, I switch into thongs and heels after work at least once a week and sexy nighties 3 or 4 times a week. I'm constantly playing dress up with wigs/outfits AND I'm a busy lady, I'm not clingy or too dependent...". You may once have been busy and independent, but right now it sounds like you are busy clinging to and depending on some sort of sign from this guy that he is attracted to you. WHY??? To hell with him! It's fabulous to do all these things in a relationship where the guy lets you know in no uncertain terms that he totally digs you for doing them. Any man WORTH all this effort should be giving you back all the good energy you are putting out. I mean, this should be for the sake of love and joy and excitement and lust and passion and FUN, right? Pretty apparent that it isn't fun for you, you get nothing in return, and rather than being giddy, this tool is taking you for granted. He's just not "in" this with you. His head is someplace else (like up his issue ridden butt), and the sooner you pull your self respect together (what he hasn't so far destroyed with his apathy) and get out of the relationship, the sooner you'll find yourself appreciated by somebody you can enjoy doing the stuff with (because it is supposed to be "WITH", and not "FOR"). The bottom line is that he prefers the porn, for whatever reason (lots of studies on that) and it's most likely not personal, so whatever you do is not as good as what he is getting from the computer. I bet that when you break up, he'll not be looking for another g-friend to interrupt his viewing pleasure. And that is sad. Relationships can be tough, they can take a lot of work and compromise- therefore they are only worth it when both people are invested. He isn't. Go. And finding a guy who doesn't peek at porn sometimes is unlikely. Finding a guy who DOES want you to come home for a lunch quickie will be very, very easy. You'll be far happier with him. If you really want to stick with this guy, ask yourself why. Do you feel you can't move on til you get assurance from him that you are attractive? Are you staying because every other facet of your relationship is great (I doubt this since you say that you feel insecure and emotional)? After a few months, I was SO DAMN HAPPY to have ditched my porn addict. I was back to my old confident self. Being single will give you the chance to be out in the world of other singles...being noticed, flirting, seeing how you DO turn on most men. And those men won't even know how awesome you are in bed yet!:) I'm now engaged to a wonderful man, and though we have some issues (that I think I need to post here about haha) I do know that he thinks I'm beautiful and that I can turn him on with a look. It goes a loooonngg way. Find someone good.
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