A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok so ive been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months now. she has a problem with smoking weed. it is to the point of addiction and don't tell me otherwise because ive seen it ruin peoples lives. i have talked to her three times about this first time i did i told her i would like her to cut back. so i counted days for about 11 days when she smoked up. out of the eleven there was one day when she didn't because she spent the night at my house. I showed her this and i told her that i wasn't happy with this i asked her again to cut back. idk how much she did if she even did cut back but it wasn't the amount i was looking for. so i gave her an ultimatum to choose between me or the weed because i told her i feel she is addicted to it. after two days of arguing ect.ect. we talked about it she said she doesnt do it because she needs it she does it because she wants to.. funny thats what alcoholics and cigarette smokers say (i was a former cigarette smoker and i have smoked weed before). so we agreed to 2 days a week that she can smoke up maximum and i told her that if i find out she want over that then its over.so about a week ago she knew she was going to get another job and told me that she was going to be going to sleep at 9:30 to 10:00pm for the rest of the week so she can get used to waking up at 7am. well not once in the entire week did she do that the closest time was about 11:30. Also anytime i want to talk with her on msn she tells me to wait quite a few times once she said she was going to a friends house for an hour. that hour turned into 2 and a half because she "lost track of time" also another time we talked about her being on msn when she got home so we could talk. her friend asked her to hang out so she did thats the time she didnt get home till 11:30. also this weekend she went out and partied one day then the next day we were texting and she said she wasnt feeling so hot and that she was bored cruising around with friends. so after i texted her a few times she wasnt texting back. she didnt text me till 11:40pm saying good night. she tells me lol no. i asked what she did she said got drunk... again! shes hung over not feeling well and rather then staying home she goes out because there is a friend she hasnt seen for a while so she has to party with her. i have brought all this up also that i feel she has no direction in life at all and that she needs to grow up. she is 18 and doesnt know what she wants to do in life. her highschool wouldnt let her back in so she could improve marks or take courses that could help her in having a broader choice for college courses. so i took her to a night school and got a course outline. i told her that i feel she doesnt seem to care about herself and that her friends are above me. i said i feel she is putting her friends at #1, herself at #2, and me at #3 on her priority list. i think it should be #1 herself #2 me #3 friends who all smoke pot over half of them are pregnant and going absolutly no where in life. i really like her and i dont want her to become like her friends. but as i told her this entire thing is starting to affect my life negatively and i dont hold on to negative things for long. is this all to much or am i doing the right thing? thank you for reading if you have
View related questions:
alcoholic, drunk, msn, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): honestly its disturbing how similar your story is to mine. i broke up with my first ever girlfriend of over a year 2 months ago, and it was the same story...constantly smoking with her loser pothead friends. towards the end of our relationship it got so bad to the point where i would see her an hour a week. which was whenever i would pick her up from work, and we would b.s. in my car for an hour. that was if she didn't cancel on my to go smoke with her scumbag coworkers. she was so out of control that she flunked out of college her first semester because that was all she did. i had to help her find another school. im probably not the best person to ask since i miss my ex so badly. but if i could be honest a pothead will ALWAYS choose pot over you. it doesn't mean they dont care for you, but the combination of immaturity and being high all the time fucks up your ability to have and maintain any meaningful relationship. my ex is 19, but is about mature as a 12 year old. i know how much it hurts to have someone you care about choose a substance over you, but its just not going to work out until that person hits the wall and sees what they are doing wrong. i hope you made the right decision man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your answers i have a feeling on what i need to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 The thing that strikes me most from this post, is the fact that your Gf needs a special re-training program to get used to ..waking up at 7 a.m. ( not exactly the crack of dawn ). How come, didn't she ever go to school before ?
Anyway, it sounds that you are just mismatched. Different values and lifestyles. Yes, she has no direction in life right now, and she does need to grow up- like many girls her age. Maybe she will on her own in a few years, but you can't and you shouldn't try to speed up the process, you are not her parent or guardian, and the more you try to impose rules and regulations, the more this relationship will be ground for frustration for both of you.
Just let her go, and get yourself a drug free gf.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 Are you her boyfriend or her dad?
Look, you can't change her, she has to want to change for herself... right now she's happy just having fun. I hate to say it, but either you love her the way she is or leave, because right now she doesn't even seem interested in changing her lifestyle for herself, let alone you.
Not many 18 year olds know what they want to do with their life dude... ultimatums and nagging do nothing to speed up the process.
...............................
A
male
reader, goalstopper  +, writes (21 June 2011):
I don't think this girl is right for you, If you have to make an ultimatum, that's when you know. Honestly, I think it's hot if a girl smokes weed all the time, but that's just my opinion.
...............................
|
