A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I have been seeing this guy and we both talked about wanting to have sex. We discussed getting tested, past experiences, what we like etc. I told him that it seems like he is more experienced than I am and that he'll have to take charge because my past sexual experiences have not been that great. He said not to worry and he'll make it worthwhile.Well we tried having sex and when he got a condom he lost the erection. I just brushed it off because I was teasing him all morning long. The second time we tried to have sex was late at night and it happened again. He was embarrassed and told me that never had happened to him before. The third time we tried he lost his erection during foreplay. I really don't know what to do about it. We can openly talk to each other and there definitely is attraction. I hope I didn't put him under pressure to make our first time amazing because my past sexual experiences were not that great. I am not sure how to tell him but I don't want to freak out each time we start hooking up and keep on worrying about his erection. Any advice please?PS: We are both 22
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condom, erection, foreplay, teasing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (25 May 2010):
Hmm, this is just my guess but I would say this isn't the first time it's happened to your boyfriend. You don't just suddenly develop anxiety about sex out of the blue.
I doubt his inability to get it up is a reflection on you. I mean, it isn't because he doesn't fancy you. Quite the opposite. The reason he can't maintain an erection is because he is thinking too much and not able to get in the moment.
The best thing you can do is reassure him by saying it doesn't matter and that you have all the time in the world to get it right. This way he won't feel any pressure.
Condoms can be massive problems for many guys. I would recommend you suggest to him that he get comfortable putting on condoms when he is with himself. By that I mean, he should go through as many as it takes, where he is able to easily develop an erection, and then quickly remove a condom and slide it on to his cock effortlessly.
If you are both sure you are STD free, and you are OK to take the contraceptive pill, there is also always the option of not using condoms. If not, continue with the reassurance, and fool around without actually having sex. Get him used to you using your hands on his cock. It will all help for him to feel reassured and comfortable enough to have sex.
A
male
reader, Kenneth +, writes (25 May 2010):
Yes, you did put pressure on him. He knew your expectations were high..so anxiety killed the act. I also think you guys spent too much time talking about it than doing it.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Obviously, he will have to speak to a Urologist or a GP about this. There's not much else you can do here if the problem continues. I hope that all makes sense.
I guess he might also be stressed out over things.
It's probably just a temporary problem. Nothing major.
A lot of men have the same problem and it is related to general health.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (25 May 2010):
 If he has never had this happen before, it has to be mental. They say the bigest sex organ is the brain. It seems that all this talk has your boyfriend backed against the wall and under pressure (brought upon by his talk) to preform. I would be willing to bet that if he just relaxes, he will be able to maintain an errection. Its a classic case of preformance anxiety. Maybe a glass of wine might to the trick.
If this doesn't work then maybe there is a physical problem that needs a doctors touch (i doubt it).
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, cindy 15 +, writes (25 May 2010):
 well most girls wait for the special guy is he the special guy for you? if you thinks so you have nothing to be scared of if he loves you for you you will be fine
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