A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i have been friends with this guy for a few months he is a really extremely shy guy he knows i like him alot last week i ended up kissing him it was nothing special just our lips pressed together for a few seconds. After he dropped me off at home i texted him and asked if he was ok he said ya i just asked weird cuz you actually intimidate me.. when i aske him what he meant his response to me was..."Because your always looking hot and you want me and you intimidate me cuz I can't live up to what you want" so i told him i would leave him alone and he said no i dont want that...so the other day we were texting and something was bought up and of course i spilled my heart out to him cuz he was saying he never has been the initiator because of his low confidence and will never be the initiator... so i was pouring my heart out cuz i felt he needed to hear he meant something to someone... his response was.."I think deep down I just don't know what I want but as far as wanting you. I really want you but I just have trouble initiating. once I get started up you don't have toworry about me"...then today i saw him again and we talked about a few diff things like my past with my 2 exs who i use to live with and he was like "living with a girl isnt a good idea ever"... then i asked him if it scares him when others like him and he said no i just dont know how to deal with it...what could possibly be the cause of his mind thinking?! i do know there was a girl he was with for like i think 3-6 months and something happened and it affected him in every other relationship after...today out of no where he said he was working on a wedding video for his friend and was telling me how he was a huge brian mcknight fan and he played the song "the rest of my life" it was a really sweet song reminded me of him and me of course cuz im a girl and i love love songs this song was a truly an amazing song and i ended up kissing him a few times again it was alittle bit diff cuz he didkinda kiss back nothing extreme just alittle bit of movementi really like him i just dont want to get hurt and because im scared of getting hurt im trying to brace myself of the falling thats happening cuz i do really like him and i have feelings developing that i cant stop... right now we are just friends and i do make the first moves of kissing him...someone please help me with this issue... i cant stop what im feeling and i dont know if i should just let things play out and take things realllllllyyyy slow.... i dont know what to do :( i cant figure him out and i dont know if im wasting my time....
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female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (24 July 2011):
I would guess that at the moment, as he said himself, he's not sure what he wants - a committed relationship or to stay single.
Overall I get the impression that all the 'I'm not the initiator' may to an extent be true (he is probably shy) but is also to allow himself to keep a certain emotional distance from you and not hurt anyone. Especially judging by this sentence, he's basically saying he likes you and once he's decided what he wants, he'll be a bit more forward and more communicative:
.."I think deep down I just don't know what I want but as far as wanting you. I really want you but I just have trouble initiating. once I get started up you don't have to worry about me"
This is just my take on it, you may not want to hear this but he may just not be all that interested. At the end of the day it's not really possible to know for sure.
What is for sure though is this situation doesn't look to be changing much or very soon either. It might be worth asking him what he wants directly - a relationship or not. If he still can't give you a straight answer I'd recommend backing off and cooling off as you do sound like you're getting really attached which means you could well end up getting hurt even more.
If it was only a matter of weeks or 1-2 months since all this started then I might say give it a little more time as he does sound really shy but after more than that and to still not be really sure of what he wants and stringing you along isn't really fair. You have to get a bit tougher about the situation as it is wasting your time while other nice guys who you could have great relationships with are passing you by.
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