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male
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anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,Thank you for reading this, all advice is really appreciated!I will reply in the best way I can.My (ex)girlfriend was pregnant and we had a baby together. This was a total shock and we decided to stay together even though we were still in college. The pregnancy happened 3 years ago and the relationship was always quite a struggle, with peaks and severe lows. A few weeks ago she decided to break up. I took this very hard and the first days when I moved away I could not sleep at all. Overwhelmed by grief and unhappiness, I came back to the house and now we are living together again, but we are not a couple any more. I only have a few weeks left before I move to another country for my study, and I feel anxious for what might happen. I am also doubting if it is the right decision to stay with her now. I am able to see my child very often. But the way we treat each other ( watching movies sleeping together etc)Makes it even harder to separate. Should I move out now, and am I doing what is best or am I just postponing the grief?Thank you for your time. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind words. I can live with family for a the coming 2 weeks. Which from the advice from you guys seems the best option. Thanks again everyone.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 If you have a place to go without incurring more bills for the next few weeks I would go. IF you have nowhere else to go then it's just for a few weeks and I'd stick it out.
Part of being an adult with a child is being able to get along with the other parent even when you are not a couple.
I'm sorry you are hurting and I am sorry it's at such a bad time of year, but if it's just a few weeks I'd just tough it out and continue to create a good nurturing environment for your child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Thanks for your answer!
To be honest it ws always my dream to go abroad, and my ex was actually ok with it and she would join me. I can't change it anymore since we are just 2 weeks away from it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,Thank you for your responses,The original plan was that they would come with me and this was what she actually wanted. Later on she drew another plan. I can't change this and I can't repair the relationship now. She made it clear to me that she won't continue it with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): I'm sorry to hear you are hurting. Time and only time will help you heal and grief is a part of breaking up, you grief your loss. Moving out is for sure the best thing to do. Don't push it any further, you knew the relationship is not working and having a child is the best thing that ever happened to both of you during your relationship. Make sure to stay close to your own child, you don't want one day to regret not being their for your own kid !! I agree with " anonymous female reader" why can't you finish your studies where you are? why do you have to travel to another country? Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): To the first person who answered this - marrying for the sake of a child never ensures a happy upbringing for the child. Children aren't stupid and have a much unhappier life when living around parents who only stayed together for their sake, they can pick up on the snide comments or bickering.
Your girlfriend probably feels like crap watching you complete your studies - even going abroad! She's probably asked to break up because you're going away, while she is left to care for your child. Was there not an option to not continue your studies without going away? Can you not see how selfish this may seem to your ex girlfriend? Your perfectly happy to move abroad, leaving her the responsibility of raising a child that is actually both your responsibility. Depending on how long you're gone you're going to miss out on important steps in your child's life and they will get used to you not being around.
I think you probably should just move out now, you're going to go anyway.
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male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (28 December 2013):
I don't think you should desert your child,you are responsible for him/her.Why no contraception?She might feel a bit of resentment because her career is on indefinite hold at the moment.She is the one who has to look after child 24/7.If you love her then why not marry?The child's upbringing and well being is paramount.
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