A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok Here goes, about two and a half months ago i met the most amazin guy from this online dating website and let say is name was Will* we exchanged emails and then phone numbers , when we met up finally we hit it off straight away , we then wen out on a few more dates , taking it slow etc... I then started to fall for him big time as things were going so well yet still taking it slow , after a week and a half i then met his family , he had told me soo much about the fact that he was soo close to his sister with the main reason being that he was given up for adoption and is sooo glad he finally met his real family four years ago... when i met his sister and his mum etc.. i got on so wellwith them at first his sis (i shall name her Danielle*) especially , Danielle made me feel like part of the family and that i will never forget.... i was very shy at first but throughout the evening i met the family i slowly became at ease..As out relationship progressed things were still getting better ... until one occasion Danielle's 7 yr old son James had been quite ill and so thi was obviously a cause for concern for the family especially as James ws never proned to getting ill ... as I was with Will in the car he then decided he would call Danielle to see how things were and was told that she would take him to hosp to get him checked out ...Will then ended the convo by asking Danielle to let us know the progress throughout and id she needed us , is to just give us a call ..t was all agreed ..throughout the day we heard nothin, and in the evening Will and I decided that i pack up and go home Nex morning i text Will to see how he was and i could sense through his texts he seemed a lil distressed he refuse to tell me what was up bu eventually got it out of him in the same eve , and that he then tld me that his sis was soo annoyed with me and him for not texting her the night before about James , i then got a lil upset because it of course upset her we eventually sorted that bit out with Danielle and at the same time had cncerns related to me about the fact that i wasnt bonding also enough with james and he picked up on that Danielle became hurt that i was bonding a lot more with her 14 yr old daughter sarah more than james.... for that matter i think im more likely to bond with a teen than a 7 yr old i pretty much thought all this had blown out of proportion and so i baiscally tried to absorb everyting she was sayin we then finally sorted it etc...but ever since then i felt danielle as watching my like a hawk seeing how well i would bond with her kids etc and it felt like i was walkingon egg shells . Will and I went to her houe in the weekend and after everythihng we spoke about i was still bit warey and obviously fely bit uncomfortable so i dint wanna be in her face , she then picked up at the fact that i wasnt talking to her much she then felt that i dint offer my help in the kitchen and hat i dint use my own initiative to to make the tea etc... Will and I then decided we would have a two week break because his sis kep making things difficukt for us and i knew Will cud see that too but would not admit it..after the two weeks we then had a chat and echanged a few home truths then decided to take it slow again... which that time i was trying to make an effort with danielle and prior to that i promised i would visit danielle at work spend a bit of time with her and her mum too and despie he journey where it tired me out soo much i still made it ..... later that evening Will rung me and tld me that danielle called him up and told him that she wasnt happy with me because she felt i was questioning their mum , which was NOT the case , it was general chit chat questions but NOT questions that became a bit personal.. I then got upset again because nothing i said or done was good enough Will then decided to talk to his mum and see if i had upset her but i reassured will that i dint upset her and if i did and she took it the wrong way to tell her that i was sorry , he then said he would sort it , however i was still angry because of what was said .... next day i ignored him and in the eve he then text me to say he dint wanna see me at mo as he was very annoyed i of course was devastated , i left him for a while and in the evening i then sent him a deep and meaningfull email about how i felt . Will texted me couple days later obviously believed what his family had said and started to have a go at me and why i question his niece , and why he gave her money etc... that i didnt know about the fact he gave her money and frankly i wouldnt have cared for me to que4stion her and 2 none of my business some of the things will had said thru text was such lies but did not give me time to explain my side the fact that he went by eveything his sis said hurt me the mnost i lft it at that then his sis text ne with an earbashing too at that point i became very distressed and just told her to leave me alone last friday Will text me asking me why i had removed my relationship status off face book as his was left on there and that was it .. then last sunday throuh msn it took a long time for him o respond it seemed like he dint want to listen and he said that ifd we gt back together it wil just get worse with his sis and mum ....... Sorry for the very loooooong diemma i just want an outsiders perspective im jusft soo down right now i dont even kno what to think anymnore i just fee it wernt for his sis making things harder then none of this would not have happened everything i did just wasnt enough.... problem is i havent spoken to him since and he still has my stuff... sosrry for this looong story i jus need help i would appreciate any comments good or bad ... and hopefully Dr Pete if u can see this please help!!! :-Sthanks again for reading this guysxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionemilyanswers and angela.b since u are the only two that has answered (maybe because my dilemma is sooooo long winded) i just wanna say thanks for the advice and what you guys have said i have felt... i mean it feels like im having a relationship with his family!!! to be honest im just leaving him to it im so angry at the both of them because they bth decided to text me last saturday nite telling i should never have called them a liar im like 'helllooo' as much as i wanted to i never ever once called them a liar! im just sooo angry that its so out of character for Will and for his sister, well she is capable of being that ,malicious because i see the way she can be with Will..... i mean i may be wrong but i can feel a sense that Will does want to hear my side and that he kinda wants to end this argument but he is sooo scared of losing his sister thats why he's siding with her! but still m sooo angry because his sister is liar.... I love him soo much BUT im not going to apologise as his sis is expecting me to ..all my life i have aologised even for the thingd im notn to blame for so this time there is nooo way i will not this time because i know in my heart i done nothing wrong! oooh i dont know ...but all the same , tnanks for the advice and please again lemme know what you're feelings are in regards to this
Many thanks!!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 August 2008):
Bloody hell, you aren't married to the guy, why do you need to be around his family so much?!
Does it really matter if you "bond" with his 7 yearold nephew? Are you really going to be spending THAT much time with the kid that you have to visit the sister at work?
To be honest I wouldn't want to date a guy who made you date his entire family as well.
Ring him up, ask him if you can pop round and get your things and tell him what you want from the relationship. If he can't provide that and you have to be constantly juggling his family politics then move on. You've only been with him 10 weeks, this is just ridiculous.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (1 August 2008):
 Remind me, who were you dating? Will or Danielle?
For some reason, probably because they were adopted and felt they only had each other, this man and his sister have become far too dependant on each other.
It sounds to me that throughout Danielle has been very unreasonable, and Will has been far too happy to go along with whatever she says.
He will never be able to sustain a long term relationship with another woman until he establishes his independence and that has to be something he decides to do for himself. Indeed, there is a good chance he will never do that.
You are better off out of this unhealthy situation, and I would suggest cutting all ties and moving on.
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