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Online dating - no-one replies to my messages! How do I make girls interested in me?

Tagged as: Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 October 2011) 10 Answers - (Newest, 28 October 2011)
A male age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been using dating sites for quite some time now but no one seems to be interested replying me. I might not have look of Tom Cruise but I am not that bad either. So What I need to do to make girls interested in me and finally get a girlfriend for myself? Dear Cupid, please help me on this! Thanking you in anticipation!

View related questions: get a girlfriend

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011):

If a man's message made me laugh, when I used a site a few years back,then I would check out his profile and see if that was humerous, what his interests were and being a tallish woman, his height.

I would reply using his profile as a guideline - asking a few questions.

I never responded to any man who did any of the following

- was looking for fun,had hundreds of hobbies,was holding a 3 ton fish, mentioned his evil Ex,or asked 'do you have a tattoo, if so where', or wanted cosy nights in with a dvd and wine.

Have you tried speed dating? At least you get the 'feel' when face to face.Or cook and invite people round.. Am not a fan of dating sites myself.

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A female reader, chocogirl United Kingdom +, writes (28 October 2011):

i'd give this advice to anyone in ur situation: one thing to avoid is advertising yourself with only the good things. when guys say on their profiles or in chats that they are sexy, or have nice abs or a six pack, or stuff like that, it comes off vain or self-centered, and for me at least, it's a bit of a turn-off. if u think ur a nice person, or a funny person, or an attractive person, be modest about it. if u want, u can say something like, "i try my best to be a nice person", or "i've been told i have a good sense of humor", or "i've been told that i'm attractive", but i think the best way to tell a girl what ur like is to show it. be interesting, and be nice, and be funny, and be sexy. from what u've written though, it seems you've got it. u didn't come off vain at all.

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A female reader, desirewhitefire Austria +, writes (27 October 2011):

desirewhitefire agony auntI had an online dating profile a looong time ago. This is what turned me off:

-Shirtless photos

-Bad grammar

-Stating that you wanted a "fit or slim" woman. (I am average, but the thought that someone could be so shallow turned me off.)

-If you have kids, saying in the first sentence of a profile that "my daughter comes first and she is my world." I already assume that if you have kids they are a top priority, no need to remind anyone of this. A woman wants to know that even if you do have kids that you will at least try to make time for phone calls and movie nights.

-Bad titles..."Looking for my partner in crime!" "Any real women out there?" Those make me think that you're looking to indulge in some sort of silly/stupid behavior that's straight from a movie scene. The real woman search makes me think you've had issues with trannies.

-Saying in a profile "I love the outdoors/sports/climbing weird shit." I do not like sports, and I hate the gym. I don't mind if someone I'm dating is into that stuff, but they have to be ok with me not liking that stuff. When a man says "I play lots of sports and work out every free second I get" I think you're a meathead and only interested in cyborg barbie.

-Pictures of you being drunk with hot women. That is self explanatory.

-Stupid pictures of you holding a weird prop or making a dumb face. No, they aren't funny. Take a picture of you smiling. Have someone else take it. Be outside in the natural light. Try to get more than your face in it.

-One sentence, no punctuation profiles. And having "lol" anywhere in it. This is serious, not something to laugh about. If you want people to notice you, write more than "i like sports and i read sometimes and i have a dog hit me up if you are interested btw no fat chicks holla lol".

-Any kids in your photos. They shouldn't be posted on dating sites and it makes me think you are reckless.

-Putting your phone number in a profile, or asking for someone to respond with a phone number. That screams booty call.

-Saying "I work a lot." Yeah, women like to know that you at least have a job, but if you point out that you are at your desk more than anywhere else, she's going to think you're a workaholic and not able to make time for her.

With that said, lets move on to the things that interested me:

-A nice smiling picture, in focus and doesn't look like a mug shot.

-At least two paragraphs with more than a couple sentences each.

-Saying that an ideal first date is coffee.

-Good grammar.

-Not mentioning sex.

-Having a good sense of humor and making it apparent.

-Not coming off as desperate.

-Not bashing past girlfriends or wives.

-Maybe mentioning that you have a child and you enjoy spending time with that child.

That's it. If you make it sound like you're not willing to compromise with a woman, and that you won't change for anyone, then you aren't going to have much luck. Women are adaptable, and yes, they are willing to deal with many idiosyncrasies. But if you say "I'm a slob and I'm not going to change that for anyone because I'm happy!" then you're going to get no where. Most mature women are willing to bend a little and we expect the same in return. Don't ever make it out like "I'm me and that's the end of it and if you have a problem with it eat shit!"

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A female reader, KittieS United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2011):

KittieS agony auntSo very confused has written pretty much the same response I would have!

My OH and I met on line, he was one of the few who read my profile, talked about my profile, and from his profile it was obvious that he wasn't just looking for sex.

Also, the second a response started with - Hi georgeous/babe/beautiful or the like I'd not even bother responding!

Good luck, few tweaks of the profile show your interested in her and your see more responses!


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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntok first of all I would not find tom cruise attractive.

secondly what do you send them as a message?

if you send a message that appears to be a cookie cutter message it will be ignored.

if a man sends me a message it better show:

a. you read my profile and respond to THAT not just a generic hey baby lets meet kind of thing. talk about me not about YOU...

b. you are not interested in a FWB/NSA relationship that you want substance

c. it needs to be firm enough in what he wants after one or two passes of messages (would you like to meet for coffee or something)

d. you spell properly, you can conjugate a sentence and use punctuation and lots of white space. A wall of text will get ignored.

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A female reader, ShiShisAdvice United States +, writes (27 October 2011):

ShiShisAdvice agony auntFirst of all, the MAN chooses the woman. So you have to get out there and answer ads. It is the woman who responds to YOUR interest or "wink". Stop being lazy, and find yourself a woman. Don't hesitate to try someone w/extra pounds or a bit plain. All different types make good wives.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011):

try looking in the real world. people resort to on line dating for a reason.

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A female reader, Little Bunny United States +, writes (27 October 2011):

Not seeing your profile makes it difficult to give you an answer. I guess I wonder what you are seeking in a woman. What age? Women your age are seeking security in a relationship. They are seeking men who have a secure income. Despite what men think, most women are not gold diggers but we do look for partners that earn equal or more than ourselves. We look for common interests and someone with the same intellect as ourselves. Can you send a blind email - if yes, make sure you have read her profile enough to ask her specific questions about her interests. ie: if she likes to travel, ask her the last place she traveled to and what did she like best about it. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. If you get a reply, your second contact should contain a few flirts - don't sext! but a little flirting never hurts. Above all, always take a positive attitude - no one wants to be around a negative person. Also, accept that it may take some time to find the right one. Above all, be true to yourself - don't make yourself out to be someone you are not - you can't pretend forever and no one likes to feel played - right?

Best of luck.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2011):

celtic_tiger agony auntI think it depends on the type of woman you are going for. Do you focus on looks yourself when messaging women?

Or do you go for personality?

I myself have just entered the scary world of internet dating and I found it to be a rather depressing place. 9 out of 10 men were either old, illiterate, uneducated or looking for sex. Not my type of man at all!

I did meet someone and we have been out a four times, but for the last two weeks his communication has dropped dramatically and I am now very depressed as I get the feeling he no longer wants to see me. I have had no replies to any form of communication since the weekend.

This makes me very sad, as I really do like this man. :(

I guess if I was looking it would be intelligence, wit, interesting hobbies and ability to hold a conversation.

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A female reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2011):

xTheAlmightyDuckx agony auntIt all depends what dating website you are on, some dating websites alow you to set up your own profile and really jazz it up.

Make sure you put some intresting info on your profile and ovbiously its important to put a picture on there too. Explain what you are looking for and how you like to treat a women and how long you have been single why you want to find love, hobbies, intrests, movies things like that?

Try and not be sleazy when you send a women a message try and be charming and don't send them some daft pick up line and defointly be yourself. If they don't reply then leave it and keep on trying untill you get somewhere or if someone will come to you. If you find your getting know where maybe look for another dating site to join.

The tip is just to keep on trying and try and phrase you words right when you contact a women.

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