A
male
age
41-50,
*ivens81
writes:Would love ya’lls thoughts on the following story. This is part one of 2. I’m currently feeling drained and completely destroyed by a woman. Please help me decipher the type of woman she is and where I went wrong. Me: 38yrs old, above average in looks, successful, cultured, happy easygoing kind of guy. Never married no kids though that’s the dream. A happy family. I love to love, I’ll give the shirt off my back to a homeless person…but im no pushover either. She: 35yrs, nurse, above average in looks, never married no kinds wants same dream.My relationship with her was beautiful in the beginning; cooking dinners together and lying under the stars etc. etc.It all started at my local bar where she was sitting by herself having a drink at a table and I’m at the bar. My first impression was that she was hunting for a man for a one-night stand but that she looked at a little angry, as if hating my flamboyance at the bar when I should be talking to her. She wouldn’t stop looking at me, thinking this could be a fun night I introduced myself. There was another man there trying to talk to her and get her number but she was obviously more interested in me, and he gave way (this man comes to play later, lets just call him B).We hit it off instantly. She was very sarcastic the whole time but I took it as playfulness. More about that later….It was going so well, we loved the same things especially martial arts and she thought she could ‘take me,’ playfully. After a few more drinks we walked to my house, wrestled around it was actually real cute and she fell asleep on my chest and spent the night. We did not have sex, she said that would take at least 10 dates. I liked that. I later found out that the very next day she want back to the same bar and met up with B. Bartender there is my friend and was alarmed, but noticed they left separately. I later brought it up to her and her response was that she could have friends too. It all seemed very odd there but I let it go, but now I wonder if they go to my bar they’d be stupid to be caught scene leaving together. And may have just met at his or her place. Thoughts??A few days later (I hadn’t known the above yet) we went on a real date. Met at a bar first, had two beers and then took an Uber to dinner. On that Uber ride she said she loved me!! I’m like I must have met a butt load of crazy, but I really liked her so I gave her a pass. My reply to her was thank you. After dinner we walked to my house, a bit toasty from mixing sake and beer. She goes straight to my room, pulls down her skirt and bends over. I did not resist.We meet up a few days later for another date and she did not remember saying she loved me or even having sex (and I know I can perform)!!! Her excuse she said was the alcohol. Wow I feel like such an idiot now writing this bc that’s when I should have ran.From then on things were normal, playful and fun. At this point we were really bonding and having long conversations into the night but there was still some underlying notion of a red flag, something to do with impatience or annoyance I want ya’ll to judge for yourselves. I have a big house and airbnb a portion of it occasionally. She came over one night when I had guests…this is just weird to me ya’ll but she later called it sarcasm…she flicked me the bird (middle finger) a few times while my guests were around, but in a way they wouldn’t see, while I’m being my flamboyant, assertive later. (I’m believing now that she likes to break down men).Her face when giving me the bird was the same angry/sarcastic face I saw at the bar. Angry might be too strong of a word but the look wasn’t coming from a place of goodness. But she said it was sarcasm and wanted to believe her. Our amazing times and great conversations blinded me form what now seems obvious…..Then things begin to change for the worse….I became less assertive, I was losing my mojo, saying and doing things I never would….and I’m a good guy ya’ll.This is the end of part 1
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 October 2019):
 Oh God she's just not worth it! Do you really see yourself with this person who has no class whatsoever and who is playing you like there's no tomorrow? Stop being silly and wake up from your sex haze. Hopefully there's no part 2, believe me, you are much better off without a part 2. The end of part 1 should be the end of your association with this girl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2019): The woman drew you in with sex, and now she's playing all kinds of mind-games.
She was sitting there in that bar looking for her next victim. You were a sitting-duck. The gentlemen you referred to as B, is likely an accomplice.
I hope you'll take my suggestion about home-security seriously. If you haven't upgraded in a while, you might want to do that. Those two could be working as a team. Something quite weird is going on.
She shows-up unannounced and puts on a performance in-front of your guests. She's testing your gullibility, your ability to use tact, and strategizing how to keep you off-balance.
You say you're losing hold? That's precisely the objective. You'll start spending money, having her stayover, and giving her even more access into your life. That's when you'll discover what she's all about. She now knows you have a little financial-success; and you're going to become her sugar daddy! Your showing-off and flamboyance has played against you! Thinking below the waist gets you in trouble everytime!
You better cut this female loose, and find yourself a new hangout. Part 2 could only be a horror story, only confirming what I've already speculated.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 October 2019):
 Not much happened with this woman and you are already feeling drained. She sounds mentally unstable. She has the ability to go inside your mind and play games with you. I think that's what she wants with people. Your mind wants to continue this to figure her out. By the time you had her figured out, you would be having panic attacks by then. She is an emotional vampire. I guess the L word is like a magic potion for men too. It makes you not want to give up just because someone says she loves you. She uses hot and cold tactics, also gas lighting. These are used by players and emotional abusers.
You know when you watch thriller movies and you see characters sucked in by mysterious and creepy energy yet cannot stay away from their mission to crack the mystery, to get answers? In real life you won't go there. Treat her as someone in a thriller movie and leave her there. She has no place in reality. Your job is very important but you have to guard yourself from negative energy.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 October 2019):
 If your brain is seeing her actions as red flags, LISTEN to it!
Part 2 not needed, block her and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2019): It seems to me she has a drink problem, almost certainly changes when she has been drinking and if she states she cant remember having sex with you who knows what else she gets up to with other men. You just dont know anything about her really though I suspect the sarcasm and the way she acts that you dont like is her true self coming out. I'll await part 2..n
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 October 2019):
 I think you need to have a little more common sense, OP
Just because she is female doesn't mean this can't end badly... for you.
She sounds unstable and quite frankly toxic.
You might think you wouldn't be doing these negative things if it wasn't for her, I disagree. You might never have had a reason to do so, but she isn't "making" you make dumbass choices. YOU are.
Someone shows up uninvited and unannounced are rude people who feel a sense of entitlement. And she probably KNEW you wouldn't tell her to leave. So she behaved how ever she wanted. Which should be a BIG FREAKING clue to stay FAR FAR away from this one.
She knows where you live, she doesn't CARE.
You need to start thinking with your BRAIN not your dick.
YOU got yourself into this NOT using your brains, now use them and get yourself out of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2019): Picking-up people in bars is such a no-no in all kinds of ways. You seem critical of her odd behavior, and talk about red-flags?!! The red-flag was a woman who would go home with a total stranger from a bar; and turn around and do it the very next night with yet another guy!
Sarcasm is her prefered method of communication; and alarms should have gone-off immediately when she says she couldn't remember having sex. That's most unsettling! Your description just conveys something off or creepy about this woman.
Now you're in the precarious position of being accused of taking advantage of her while she was incapacitated by alcohol, or intoxicated; and no telling how she may suddenly recall the event. For all you know, you're being set-up by her and Mr. B.
You take a stranger into your home, giving them access to your private domain. Meanwhile, you also have airbnb guests. Making everyone in the dwelling vulnerable to robbery, a scam, or whatever. Hopefully your home is fitted with the latest technology in home security, such as security cameras and sensors. If not, better get it! It's the 21st-century! People gain your trust, get to know your comings and goings, and end-up ripping you off!
Your judgement is totally questionable, and you can't possibly be so naive! Flamboyance? As in being a big show-off? That invites all sorts of sordid-characters into your orbit; when you're in a place as public and transient as a bar!
Now she knows where you live. You know nothing about her. She exhibits somewhat capricious behavior, flipping you the bird one minute and flirtatious the next. Are you absolutely certain she's a nurse? Not a woman of the oldest profession? I find it odd she has so much free time to sit around in bars picking-up men. Every nurse I've ever known spends her nights either working, or trying to catch up on sleep!
I think you've gotten yourself into a mess, and the fact you've written DC is because that you've got this gut feeling there's going to be a serious poop-storm down the road. You're not sure how to give her the brush-off; but then you're worried a 'lil bit about that sex-blackout!
I'd ease my way out of this quagmire with every bit of finesse I could muster. Something doesn't smell right, and I'm not sure if it's just about her? I think your sexual-prowess should be the least of your worries!
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