A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should i stay with a guy that says we can get married, after years of saying he never would, as long as i never trick him into having children. He says that i do then he'll leave me and the child on our own, it's not like he hates children but he had a bad relationship with his parents and left home when he was 14, and that's partly why he's never believed in marriage. We meet at college 4 years ago and we've just left uni last year together. Children aren't far in the future but i do want them one day. My boyfriend is great with my nieces and likes having them stay over, but his own is a huge no-no. I dont want to get married to the man of my dreams, and soul mate, knowing that i could never have my dream of motherhood. I don't know how to change his mind, or what to do. Both mean the whole to me, any help, thank you very much.
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female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I think that getting married to this guy would be a very big mistake. He made it very clear that he does not want children. Respect his wishes, and find someone who wants a family like you do. It wouldn't be fair for either of you to compromise what you want to make the other happy.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Well, he did give you proper warning. He has said that if you have children, he will leave you to raise them independently, and I believe him. If you want children, find someone else who prioritizes having children in their lives.
If you stay with this man and never have kids, you might feel a really big hole inside of you. If you do have children with him, he will either leave you, or stick around but not really want them. Do you want that being the father your children have?
I think that all though it will be hard, you should finish with this guy and find someone who wants children like you do. Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Don't marry him. Simple as that! You'll regret it somewhere down the line, so don't waste time. Sounds like he's got a lot of emotional issues that need working on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): You can't change his mind for him. Only he can do that, and he would have to really want children which doesn't seem likely. Basically you've got 2 choices.
It's either children or him. It doesn't look like you can have both.
Believe him when he says he'll leave you as a single parent if you trick him into being a father.
Phil
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