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No friends, family, and I really miss my mother who died a couple of years back. I'm not living, just existing. How can I change this?

Tagged as: Family, Friends, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 October 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 16 October 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i'm 29 years old and have no friends or family,my mother died a couple of years ago and i miss her so much she was my best friend and i could talk to her about anything now i feel so alone i never see anyone as i live out in the country and only tend to see people when i do my shopping,i've lost touch with my friends,my family don't keep in touch, am on anti-depressants and cry most of the time.i dont feel like i have a life i'm only just existing,i really miss having someone to talk to - i hate my life - and i miss my mam sooooooooooooo much - i need help but don't know where to start

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

My mother passed away in May and I still miss her terribly. A book I read that helped is: "The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change After the Death of Our Parents" by Alexander Levy.

It's a small book w/ a lot of stories about the grieving process and how each person experiences it in their own way. There really is no right or wrong way to mourn the death of a parent.

In some ways, the death of my mother was more difficult than the death of my father. It was the final ending to their participation in my life. My brothers and sisters live in other states w/ their families but I try harder to stay in contact with them now.

After my mom died, I had problems sleeping through the night, my blood pressure jumped up, and I felt a great deal more stress and anxiety. I took sleeping pills for about a week to help reset my body. If you aren't sleeping, that makes everything worse and hurts your ability to heal. I hope your meds are helping and if they aren't, talk to your doctor about making a change to them.

The internet is a great place to vent and I started blogging to help get my mind off it. But it doesn't substitute for a caring touch from friends or family. I hope you can reach out to friends and family when you're ready. Find a way to fill that hole in your life with a love for others.

I wish you the very best during this difficult time. Although it's something most people experience, that doesn't make it any easier.

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A male reader, DV1 United States +, writes (4 October 2007):

DV1 agony auntThe first thing that you need to do is take a deep breath. The funny thing about life is that things grow and change. Think about it like this-things are changing in your life, bringing you challenges. You can either beat those challenges, or you can let them trample over you. Time will move on without you if you let it. I believe that everyone's got the possibility for greatness. Instead of mourning what you don't have, or have lost, go out there and create a new life. I don't talk to my friends that much anymore, so I fill my life with things to keep my interested, satisfied, and/or busy. Find something that you enjoy doing, and see if you can make some money at it.

Best wishes,

DV1

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (4 October 2007):

Talking on the internet is a good start. There are plenty of people out ther who would love to talk to you. Most everybody has to lose there mom and it is not easy, but you have only today for sure. Live each day as it comes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

Hi there

Your not alone. It is very hard to loose someone who was so important in your life. You have a hole which is still hurting alot and totally understandable.

To be honest, alot of people are 'just existing' and everyone takes a different process and different time periods to get over loss and that feeling of being alone. Everyone is different in how they handle things.

It is hard too, when your living arrangements leave you a little isolated, But, your friends and family are still out there and it would be worth trying to connect with these people, just to say hi. I have had a similar situation and people left me alone, thinking that is what I wanted and to a certain extent I did. But, I felt lonely and needed just to know someone was out there that I could talk to occasionally and re-connected, it was awesome, they all made me feel very welcome and wanted again. So try that, nothing to loose.

Sometimes we do need to give ourselves a push... We all need something to plan for, look forward to and experiance new things. Sometimes it is just a little thing that we do that gets us going again and not focusing of the sad stuff.

We all have difficult times to go through. We all have things we need to learn about ourselves through rough times in our life. Your not alone, remember that and there are many support groups, social groups and - the internet! to help you with this time in your life.

Maybe this is your time to think about a new start, new life with more in it to keep you living and not just existing. Think about the things you enjoy doing, think about what you have always wanted to do and not done.

The hardest part now for you is to get started on a new beginning. Once you get going your feelings may lift and be revitallized. Things can and will change if you help them along a bit.

All the best and take care.

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A male reader, Uncle_Phil United Kingdom +, writes (4 October 2007):

Uncle_Phil agony auntContact CRUSE - they're on Google. They're the best people to get in touch with about bereavement issues.

Let me know how you get on.

Phil.

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