A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'd like advice about meeting with a guy I met online. To lead up to this question, I must explain I've only been in long lasting relationships since I was 15. I've never really been single. My ex cheated on me last month and I'm still upset, but my horniness is driving me crazy. I am in no way looking for another relationship, but I found a guy online. He's 20, a student, doesn't sound rapey. I'm just wondering if making a sex pal is okay? I dont like the double standard of girls pursuing men for one night stands perceived as whoreish. I don't want to sleep with a lot of people, I just want a steady supply, or to know it's okay to meet a guy and have sex with him. We're supposed to have sex tomorrow, I don't even plan to see him often. Am I msking a sound decision or is meeting guys better in person? I'm still going through with this cause I've gone this far and do not want to turn back. Am I overthinking this?
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cheated on me, met online, my ex, one night stand Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the responses. I went through and he was an okay guy, but the sex was horrible. I'm not going to meet people online anymore, the whole experience was very weird and awkward. Vibrators aren't the same as being with someone, but I'm more inclined to keep that route for a while.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 February 2012):
 I think you are playing with your life having sex with random online strangers, because no matter how you look at it, they are STRANGERS.
Sex won't make you feel better about the break up, but if casual sex is what you are looking for I suggest you take care to do it "safely".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): If you feel comfortable go ahead but meeting somebody who is a stranger, could be dangerous. If you are 100% sure you want this and you feeel comfortable with going throught with it go ahead. If your not definately definately 110% sure you know him, it's not the ideal choice. If you've see him on webcam or something and spoken to him for a while thats fine I think. If you have no clue of what he looks like apart from maybe some pictures, I wouldn't personally do this.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 why not just buy a vibrator and forget the whole emotional issues?
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Sounds like a bad idea. I understand your sexual needs, and would suggest that you tackle your needs with someone you know rather than a complete stranger. STDs and pregnancy might sound like a good alternative if this guy is a rapist or murdered.
Think this one through.
Good Luck!
Jef
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (3 February 2012):
You have good advice. Be careful and try to get to know people first. Remember that once you take the easy and no-strings sex path you may have problems with future partners that may still value your choice of who you are intimate with. Once you have sex with strangers some people will not be able to trust your ability to look after yourself.
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A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Making yourself safe in this world has become more and more difficult, and, it'd be funny to see so many scary stories, if they weren't true.
Unfortunately, many of them are.
Protect yourself. Whether by checking in to a nice hotel, running a background check on the guy, whatever.
Take precautions.
Especially if you're that young, and, (I'm guessing), the guy is not older either.
However, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a "friend with benefits".
As long as both of you are on the same page, enjoy the sex, and, screw the social standards! :)
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Meet him in person first to get a genuine feel for him. Meet for coffee or drinks. Anyone can b anyone online so its a risk and even riskier for attractive women since there are some men who prey on them online. Be careful as im unable to be your bodyguard ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): "doesn't sound rapey" That's the most hilarious thing I've ever read. John Wayne Gacy was by all accounts a very nice neighbour and decent human being too.
OP there is nothing wrong with what you're proposing, if you want to fuck around then by all means do so but do it intelligently and safely, there is nothing intelligent nor safe about this situation.
You're taking a massive risk just to get laid and it's a needless one because you're a woman you can click your fingers and get sex. So why not just meet a guy in person first and get to know them at least a little bit before you let them get into a position where they can do serious harm to you.
I mean as far you know I'm an Irish man that looks like a dog and likes greek mythology but I could be a 40 year old woman with schizophrenia from the UK. Online is a lie. Even when you're honest online it's a construct. Meet a person face to face before you go doing something like this.
This could turn out very bad for you.
As far as the slut thing goes, who cares about that crap? Your life your choice, just please try and make intelligent choices though OP. Rapists don't sound rapey OP, that kind of thing only ever comes out when you're alone with them.
One thing a lot of women never seem to grasp is just because things should be a certain way doesn't mean they are. just because you should be safe to walk home alone at night doesn't mean you won't be raped. Just because you have a right to do what you want with your body and sleep with whomever you choose does not mean this guy is not dangerous. Most guys who trawl the internet looking for casual sex are dysfunctional in some way OP, they're usually creeps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): "No double standard - I just want one off sex"
"I don't want to sleep with a lot of people, I just want a steady supply, or to know it's okay to meet a guy and have sex with him. We're supposed to have sex tomorrow, I don't even plan to see him often."
By my late father's admittedly very high standards, you're such an easy lay that any random scumbag on the other end of a dick can have you (and probably already has), and any random scumbag willing to boink any random pile of flesh wrapped around a va-jay-jay would leap at the chance to do you (and probably already did). No double standard here, complete gender equality in his book.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): Okay, no double standards. But I still would not want to date a woman who has casual sex. I don't have casual sex myself and I have a single standard. There are lots of men like me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 February 2012):
 I agree with you about the double standard thing, and if you're interested in no-strings-attached sex, no reason you shouldn't have it.
I worry a bit about grabbing a guy off the internet, precisely because you don't know what kind of baggage you might be picking up. Does he have a wife or girlfriend? A criminal record? A psycho ex? An STD?
No problem if you're wanting no strings attached sex, but make sure you've done your homework on the guy. That has nothing to do with a double standard and everything to do with being smart.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Hi,
Sorry to hear about your recent break up, hope you are feeling better. I think that nowdays many people are involved in the type of relationship so called, FWB. I think that as long as you both understand that you don't want a relationship, it's ok. The thing about FWB is that, with time couples sometimes develop deeper feelings and one or the other always get hurt. But, as long as you both communicate, are honest with each other I think it could work. Since you don't know him, make sure you practice safe sex, because you never know. (STD). You can never judge someone by their looks, better be safe than sorry.
Good luck
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