A
female
age
41-50,
*anniepeg
writes:I need help here because my boyfriend is confusing me.A little background. I live with my 5 year old son in my apartment. My boyfriend lives by himself in a house. My lease is up in April but I could extend a few more months. My boyfriend of 2 years wants to sell his house, and move to a bigger house with me and my son, hopefully. Last September I asked him if he would be ready to move in April, he said yes. Now nothing had been done. There is still a lot of junk in his basement, and the bathroom and kitchen still haven't been remodelled, although the process has been started. We had a few issues in our relationships, however it's more misunderstanding than anything. He thought I was a racist, therefore we broke up. I am not a racist.He thought I was a neglectful mother, therefore it won't work out. I am just tired being a single mom for 4 years and I can't watch my son for 24 hours.He thought I wouldn't give him space, when the fact is that I felt totally ignored that day, and that I felt like when I was tired I still had to take care of my son, and when he's tired he could just rest. He basically gave me a label that I am clingy. Not true. It was my bottled up feelings of feeling unwanted by him. I felt like I waited and waited and didn't know what I was waiting for. I am sure other men would have just taken me and my son into their lives very early on. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me since what I could't get is more valuable. I just learnt that my boyfriend has $3000 Visa debt and $300 in his other account. He makes $2500 a month. Which doesn't make sense when he wants to trade in his Jeep for an Infiniti, or other luxury car. His mom gave him a $5000 check during Christmas time and he refused to cash it, saying that she only did that so she could get more help in her house, such as shoveling, or computer help. Also she is sick and may need the money herself.If I don't move out by April, then my son has to go to the same school or transfer later. I really don't like the idea of commuting or transferring in the middle of the year. So I asked my boyfriend whether I should extend one more year for my apartment so he could straighten out his money situation or he could take his time getting used to me and my son, since space is so important to him. He said no, and that he can vision himself putting a Sold sign by July, and that he really wants to move out of his house. We stayed at his house every weekend, now he wants us to stay the whole week at a time, as a trial period. For me, that makes me sound like I am a product, try it before you buy it. Not romantic at all. I had to rephrase everything he said to me because he doesn't know the nuance of speech and sometimes he made me feel like shit when he didn't mean it. Now I realize that he is also a trial period, to be fair. We are both testing each other before we are satisfied.Should I just trust that he will follow through? Or should I stay in my apartment for one more year? The bigger house would be an equal investment. We will split everything in half. He had mentioned that his bank allows him to spend $200000. I believe he's telling the truth. Even if I stay in my apartment I would still pay the mortgage while he occupies the whole house by himself. He doesn't know that though. Of course he would want me to move in with him otherwise he would have to pay everything himself, at least that's what he would think.Please help me because this morning I was driving myself crazy over this. I have to be delicate in my speech because I don't want to have an argument tonight. I am aware that he pushes my buttons a lot so I don't want to fail his "test" of being an emotionally stable woman.
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