A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my partner for 8 years we have a most delightful little girl who is five. back in may we got married. in june things started going wrong. we did nothing but argue. this continued for the next couple of months and now i have been staying at a friends house and have been seeing someone else who i have fallen head over heels with.i dont feel the same about my wife. too much has gone on for to long and worst of all i dont trust her. now she wants to make things work but i dont think it can.what should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Theres no trust therfore move on and let her go. Be honest and straight forward about your feelings.
I personally would take the time to think about both women and which one I would rather be with. Then weigh out the positives and negative consequences before giving up on the marriage completly.
Wish you the best of Luck.
A
female
reader, DenimandLace44  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 In May you got married...In June you argued. That lasted a couple of more months. Then you moved in with friends...
Has the past 4 months made you forget the vows you made in May? Let me remind you, they went something like this...
I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
In only at most 3-4 weeks time you have met someone new. You have decided that you may want to throw away 8 years and being a "there" dad for this new person that you feel "head over heels" for.
This is just really really sad to me. I think that you should go back, rethink those 8 years. Remember the things that you two (three) did. Remember the good times, relive the history that only you two share. Think about the last 4 months and what could have been done different. Make every effort to repair what was. I'm sorry that things are hard for you, I really am. I know that marriage is hard work. But I think somewhere down the road you will regret it if you do not do everything within your power to save this marriage...to save your family.
The new girl, of course you are head over heels. But the day will come when she will tire of picking up your dirty socks, and you will grow tired of hearing her nag. Yes, it will happen. It always does. And then what...trade her in on another too? Its your choice hunny.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 You don't trust her?...
You moved out when things got tough. For better, for worse? Way to stick to your vows!
And dating? You are married. Separated. NOT divorced. Not cool.
30-35 age bracket? Wow. Not really getting the being married, a parent, being a family man or what a commitment is, are you? 5 months. Wow. Way to tough it out.
How's this part then... Your most delightful little girl will probably wind up living with her Mom, and probably a new Dad, and you won't have ANY say in how she is raised, and probably no say in Who will be walking her down the aisle either.
You need to get out of your new relationship, it was a bad move and unfair to the new woman, you're not a free man. Then you need to move back home and get into marriage therapy with your wife and give your marriage a chance. No one said it was going to be either perfect or easy, but you had a child together and you should try your best to reconcile and keep your family together.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Set her free then by the way all marriages take adjustment in the beginning hell I would have left my husband 12 years ago from arguing but it's part of the adjustment. You on the other hand made the choice to depart so if you don't care then set her free to find a real man that will honor and love her as she deserves
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (25 September 2010):
 If you don't trust her then there is no basis for a future. I'm surprised that you fell in love with someone within 3 months of splitting up with your wife who you'd been with for 8 years.
My advice would be to forget the new person and concentrate on sorting things out with your wife first. Decide whether you want to be with her or not. If you don't want to be with her, get some advice on a divorce and make sure you have regular contact with your daughter.
Good luck.
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