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My wife touched his privates to check out his problem..did she go too far?

Tagged as: Friends, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 May 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 3 May 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I need a little advice, or maybe just reassurance, or maybe someone to tell me i'm being dumb. Or maybe I am right and this is nothing.

My wife has her 2 year degree, and about 2 years ago we decided that she should pursue a full degree to get certified as a primary teacher instead of the 'crappy paying' pre-k job she has. She has been attending the state university part time while still working and taking care of the kids and everything. It's been tough, but we both pitch in and own a house now and everything is great.

She has this male friend Jim who she met in class over a year ago. They have been friends since then, I've met him many times and this is all fine. They hang out in between classes or right after class to help with homework, projects, etc. It's just at the school, coffee or sodas.

Well, a little over a week ago, Jim was scratching himself 'down there' repeatedly. My wife asked him what was wrong, and he said he thinks he has a medical problem. His balls were red and really itchy he said. My wife asked him if he thought he caught something from someone he dated, like crabs, lice, herpes, etc...

He said he hadn't had sex in over 6 months, so he didn't know what it was. My wife, the innocent helpfull friend she is, said did you go to a doctor, he said no, so she said want me to check it out?

They went out to his car, he pulled his pants and underwear down, my wife said he was very shy and hesitant about doing it. She said she looked at his balls, and actually lifted them up a little to look closer, and he was red and kind of rashy looking. Since he said he didn't have any sexual encounters in months, she asked him what could have changed. He said that since he moved into his apartment (he used to live w/parents) he's doing his own laundry and just the week before bought laundry detergent that was on sale. My wife told him he was probably having an allergic reaction to whatever brand he bought, he should throw it out and buy whatever his mother was using, obviously it was traces on his underwear and giving him a rash on his balls.

My wife doesn't think this is a big deal since she was just helping out a friend. I 'kind of' don't think it is a big deal either, but I think touching him to check him out, even though it wasn't sexual in nature was a little over the edge for a married woman.

Should I just never say anything, or should I say that I think touching him was over the edge? I don't want to force her to end the friendship, they do really get along and help each other out with classes?

View related questions: herpes, married woman, moved in, shy, underwear, university

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009):

She's not training to be a nurse so duh she hadno right .

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A female reader, pebble United Kingdom +, writes (3 May 2009):

pebble agony auntIsn't she training to be a primary teacher? What on earth does that have to do with examining people's balls?

She crossed the line. You have every right to be angry.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009):

Question poster reply: I know she wasn't being unfaithfull, there was nothing sexual about it. And she wasn't keeping it from me, she's the one who came home and told me the day it happened. I honestly think she was just helping out a friend, who just happened to be a guy and have a penis and testicles. I almost think of it like being a nurse, but she's not, and you're right she is married, so it did cross the line. Maybe if she just volunteered to look at it but didn't touch his balls, I would say it definately wasn't over the line, but to actually touch him there is what I think went too far.

I'm going to tell her that I think that was crossing the line, and never ever touch him like that again. I don't see any reason to make an issue over the friendship. I can tell there is nothing to worry about there. As for him being gay, I don't know, I never thought about it, and my wife never mentions him going on a date or having a girlfriend. I'll have to ask her to see what she thinks. But that wouldn't change anything in my mind. She can still be friends with him, just no touching the genitals.

Thanks.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009):

Correct me if I'm wrong, but she is studying to be a teacher, not a doctor. Genital exams are not, not, NOT in a teacher's scope of practice. Yes there is definitely something fishy going on here and I think you should look closely at her relationship with this man. Good luck!

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (3 May 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntHow did you find out about this?

If she wasn't keeping it a secret from you, and she wasn't sneaking around, then I don't think she was deliberately being unfaithful.

Yeah, she did cross the line, though. There's a reason they're called PRIVATES. :)

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A male reader, Love4Life United States +, writes (3 May 2009):

Love4Life agony auntI think you should tell her how it made you feel. I mean it's one thing for her to be at a actual hospital and have to do something like that but she could have came to the same conclusion just by asking questions. If they are close friends it's OK to be friends but in my book that was stepping over the line. Because hes a close friend she needs to consider your feelings and know it already takes a lot of faith in her to not see anything. But when she does that I think any one would question just how close are they. At the same time it could be innocent if he were gay so just keep a eye out you know as well as I do wolves come in disguised as a sheep so be weary not stupid. I hope this has helped...

Miah

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (3 May 2009):

Danielepew agony auntI do believe she went over the edge. Both of them did.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009):

did she wash her hands afterwards?

i think you should say you aren't happy but will let it go. however if another time...

Star.x.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009):

She crossed the line. If she didn't you wouldn't be here.

Have a talk about what you agree is appropriate and inappropriate touching of other people.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009):

It sounds like she was just acting like a doctor. But she isn't so yes you gt a right to tell her she went to far.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009):

it is a little weird that she checked them but im sure if they werent friends she wouldnt have done it. but look at it from her point of view, there was a friend in need and she helped him she did cross the line but let her know that. she had the best intentions.

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