A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been married 22 yrs. and everything seemed perfect. About a week ago i checked my cell phn bill and saw text msgng charges. I checked the bill and figured i would need to cal cell phn company and have another argument. when i looked at the detail i noticed all the text messages were from my wife's phone to a married man that we both know. There are a total of 260 text messages in a period of six weeks. I confronted her and she said they were harmless messages to say good morning or have a great day today. Am i wrong in thinking there is more there than what she is telling me? I went over the bill and the text messages are sent as early as 745 am and as late as 1158pm. there are many that are during her lunch hour and her break at work. Alot during the time i am dropping my kids at school or picking them up from school. On one day there was a total of 37 messages and another day 35 messages. she says it was harmless and that she has never had an affair. My pain comes from having four kids and the possiblity that if she is telling me the truth about not having a physical affair is probaby because i intruded. My question is, is it possible that 37 messages on one day then 35 on another day, then 13 on another day and so on up to 260 in 6 weeks is maybe not an "affair" but my wife and another man playing "footsies"?? I feel like a fool and i can't bring myself to socializing with this man and his family in the future. My wife feels that i am wrong. She apologized and said that some of the messages were also from his wife. And honestly if this mans wife would confirm this i would know i can rest assured it was innocent. should i ask and see my wife's reaction to my answer as to how i would feel at ease?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): I agree with some of the answers on here regarding asking the wife of the other man about the text msgs I would also just take her cell for a day without her permission (without her knowing if possible) and see what the nature of these msgs are.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 I am around the same age as you are, and I was brought up without computers or mobile/cell phones, even though I live with them now. My preferred method of communication remains to TALK, the same seems to be said about many of my colleagues. Texting seems impersonal.
So, 37 texts in one day to the same number seems, to me, incredibly excessive. I am also fairly sure that this man's wife has her own cell phone.
The signs point to an affair.
Think logically.
WHY would any married woman send even 10 texts to a man over a period of a month, without telling her husband about it? WHY does she feel the need to TEXT to say 'good morning' or 'goodnight' to another man? She is definitely hiding something.
Save your marriage by acting now. In this case you can easily find out. Tomorrow morning, before she leaves for work, ask your wife if you can borrow her phone for the day. Tell her the cell phone company may have overcharged the bill, or some other excuse.
Watch her reaction to your request. That should tell you everything.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): I would be suspicious if it was my husband texting other woman. It doesn't mean that they are having sex. May be it's just flirtation, that can lead to sex. Why would she say good morning and night to him, if they aren't flirting.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): My friend i would be VERY concerned if i were you. After twenty year's of marrage my wife also started sending tex message's to a married man at work she also claimed they were innocent. But like you my gut instinct told me that something was not right. As it turned out my wife was having an affair with this RAT of a man. It all started off with flirting then the tex message's and then the sex. I was devastated as i adored my wife but i knew my marrage was over after that and there was no going back. I hope and pray for your sake that it is not to late to save your marrage as you may have stoped it from leading to sex but make no mistake it was heading that way. If i were you i would contact this man wife and find out what she know's about this . I think she will be very pissed off with her husband but who care's about that RAT. I hope it works out OK for you. GOOD LUCK nicky
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): i would be more than a little concerned about this one.6 weeks is 42 days. so a good morning and a have a great day each day would be 84 text messages. obviously there was a whole lot more going on. i text males and females on a regular basis and email also that is a loooot of messages to send for a working woman.however i have done the math and if she sent 37 and 35 and 13 that makes up 85 texts. The total was 260. Take away 85 and you have 75 remaining text messages over 39 days. that is only 2-3 a day which is not unreasonable. my question is what was going on the other 3 days. it stands to reason that there could have been something valid going on that needed communication. or maybe the wife WAS involved. i would think that if she were having an affair that there would have been more than 3 days of texting excessively involved. i really have not clue. I think that there are too many unknowns to start guessing at this point. mal
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 I wouldn't warn her in advance, I'd just go ahead and ask the wife of the guy. Do it sneakily though. You say you don't want to socialise with this guy and his wife any longer, but I would, just so you can get the opportunity to jokingly raise the subject of how much her text messages to "them" have cost, and make sure you raise the subject in fron tof both of them at the same time. Then wait for the shit to hit the fan, because believe me, it WILL hit the fan if that guys wife doesn't know what you're talking about. I think your wife thinks you're stupid and you need to let her know who the stupid one is in your marriage. Good luck :)
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