A
male
age
51-59,
*d tt
writes:Let me start by saying my wife and I have been married for twenty years. she would like to have a threesome or swap with a couple. When she told me this i was shocked and hurt. i would like someone to help me understand this. She is forty im forty five she said that when she was thirty three she was going to ask me if i wanted to do that but she know i would divorce her. she's right! i might do it. i dont want to here from the peanut gallery, so if you are not serious please dont write. thank you because it hurt me
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divorce, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (11 June 2009):
 No it is not the next logical step in my opinion. If you were both into "swinging" it might be but it doesn't sound like you're both on board and that signals a very bad idea. You haven't really said if she wants to add another female to your bedroom, or another man. Either way, if you don't feel comfortable don't do it; you will just end up feeling weird, and it could change things between you in a bad way. There must be other things the two of you can do to spice things up that don't involve introducing other people into your bed. Why don't you do your own personal porn movie? Or meet each other at a cafe where you dress up like you are someone else, and pretend to meet and hook up. She could buy a wig and dress up really wild if she needs excitement. Have sex outdoors. Have sex at the office after hours. Just keep it between the two you and I think it'll be way more fun. xoxox
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): my wife of10 years has just asked me the same question and i have mixed feelings about it one side of me says its only sex and you should free your mind in sex the other side says am i not good enough for her she needs more etc i do love my wife and we have a very active sex life so its the next logical step i guess ?????????
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A
male
reader, dd tt +, writes (7 May 2009):
dd tt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i talked to her and she said it is to spice it up and for fun, most men would die for this but i dont know, thanks to all of you i wish i could understand it, the good thing is that she said it does not have to happen if i dont wont it to. thanks you all
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): My wife and I went through this too. We have been married 20 years also. Except it was me that wanted it. After 20 years I started to wonder if I had missed out on anything. Well we had our 3 way! It was fun, exciting and different to say the least. But the thing is, it satisfied my curiousity. It was just that one time and as crazy as it all was, our marriage actually became stronger because of it. I think she's in the same boat I was in. This may or may not work out for you but my advise is to go for it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): A bit of a test could be to let a stranger photogragh or video the two of you. It may give her the spice she wants without crossing any boundaries that may be regretted later. However as mentioned if you are really not ready to go there, she should be ready to understand and be creative in other ways. But the voyeur may test where your comfort level really lies. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): As long as she knows you don't want to do that she should accept the fact, rather than get you to do something that makes you unhappy. Surely that should be enough, without getting divorced?
Maybe you could spice your sex lives up in some other way. Ask her if there's anything else she'd like to do that you never have together, then you might find something new that you both like.
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A
female
reader, RaeMay +, writes (29 April 2009):
 it is very hurtful. and you should just tell her how you feel and that if she wants a threesome is she really willing to put your marrige in jepordy. other than that there really isn't anything else to do about it. just sit down and have a talk with her about it.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (29 April 2009):
Wow! I've heard of spicing up your sex life but I don't think I'd ever go this far!!! I am very suspicious about your wife's motives here. Could she possibly be already attracted to the man that is part of this couple she wants you to swap with? I'd be willing to bet. I think you should be honest with her, and tell her you are hurt and offended that she would suggest this. Maybe she really thinks it's something YOU would like to do. I have no idea how your sex life is at the present moment, but have a frank discussion with her and let her know how you feel. Hopefully if she loves and respects you, she'll drop it for good. After that, just sort of keep your eye on her for other weird behavior. She may be going through some kind of mid-life crisis.
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (29 April 2009):
 ok. maybe she wants to spice up your love life. if your completly uncomfortable tell her no. i would talk to her and find out why she wants one so badly. maybe she want to do it w/ a girl. but seeing as your hurt i can tell you dont want to share her. totally understandable. try and pick her brain...... good luck remember dont do it if you dont want to,
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A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 Let her know how you feel about it, and let her know the consequences.
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