A
male
age
36-40,
*igheadjoe
writes:My wife and I have been married three years and we've had a great relationship. She was recently depressed after having our first child and turned to the internet to find happiness. She has new male friends, should I be concerned? She told me she would stop talking to them to make me happy but i told her if they are true friends I'm ok with it. I recently found out she was in a (pretend) online relationship.I have never been the jealous type, but I am now. Should I be?
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depressed, jealous, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bigheadjoe +, writes (24 September 2007):
bigheadjoe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your information, you have helped me a lot. Since she has started a new job and she seems happier, but i am still going to look into getting help for depression because i know its hard to fix that yourself. Any help with introducing counseling?
A
female
reader, lily lousia  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 you wife needs to seek help as she may well have post natel depression.
I myself suffered with it for 2 years after my sons birth before a friend of mine suggested i get help.
its a lonely exsistance, you put a smile on for everyone that wants one and do your best with everyday life when inside you feel that you cannot tell anyone your not coping with life as you dont want to feel a failure.
its not healthy for her to shut herself off in her own world and build on a virtual life on the internet.
see the gp yourself and express your concerns, and get some imformation on the condition.
try and take some of the strain off everyday life for your wife, be as loving, understanding and supportive as you can.
encourage her away from the PC, go for some walks together as a family, put on a dvd enjoy a bottle of wine etc.
get a baby sitter, time for you as a couple. take her to dinner make her feel good about herself, tell her shes a wonderfull mum, and your proud of her.
dont leave this any longer than you have to. get help!
take care and good luck
lily
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): she needs to get help straight away,before its to late.i've ruined my life because of depression and it has taken 2 and half years to get help and counsiling.when you depressed you living in a different world and things just seem a release from reality,but these things are the wrong choices but she wont see this to she gets help.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (22 September 2007):
 it sounds as though she suffered with post natal depression and if she didn't seek medical help for it, she will still be feeling vulnerable, regardless of how old the child is now. she needs to see a doctor and he will help with the depression.
everyone who feels upset/depressed/low about their life creates a world away from reality. she has no intentions of running away and making up home with another man, she's escaping her problems through the internet. she can be whoever she wants and has no responsibilities. it all comes down to her depression i'm afriad.
her wellness and health are the number one priorities here and until she gets that, she's going to keep confiding in people who don't know her so she can hide behind the truth.
best wishes
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Depressed people can do things that they later regret. The "pretend" relationship would bother me, even though I myself have several online friends.
Ask her if she'd mind you looking over her shoulder while she typed to this guy, and see what she says. If she says no, then I'd be concerned. If she says yes, follow through and see what's said. Maybe there isn't a problem, but you need to make sure.
Regardless, she should be in counseling for her depression. There are some anti-depressants one can take while nursing, too. It would be a good idea to check out couples counseling, too. The dynamics of your relationship have changed with the addition of your little one, and it couldn't hurt to give your relationship a check up.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Well, I suppose if she's been honest with you, you've got nothing to fear.Don't worry about pretend relationships - you're the real deal, honey!I'd only be worried if you'd asked her to stop and she was still talking to them behind your back - I'm not saying you're to have control of her, but the trust would be lost.Hope this has helped a little bit. :] x
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